December 20, 2006


For example

This is the sort of thing I sometimes tell elementary classes when I sit down with them to start reading a story:


“When I was born, see, I had a pickle for a nose. And of course the doctors had to cut it off and give me a regular nose. But pickles are pretty big, especially compared to a baby’s face, and so they had to put in a big nose to fill up the pickle space. And so that’s why I have a long nose.”

Needless to say, the children frequently don’t believe what I tell them.

posted by Cooper Renner in Uncategorized 

comments

6 Responses to “For example”

  1. Sheila Ryan on December 20th, 2006 at 9:56 am

    Once “school’s out for-ever,” I think you should go on tour with your own one-man show.

  2. Deron Bauman on December 20th, 2006 at 11:22 am

    why wouldn’t they?

  3. Brian Beatty on December 20th, 2006 at 11:32 am

    Perhaps you can arrange a lucrative little endorsement deal with the folks at Vlasic. They could set up outside in the theater lobby, next to Amnesty International and the Army.

  4. Sheila Ryan on December 20th, 2006 at 11:35 am

    Because, Deron –

    Everybody knows that Mr. Renner was born in 953, and that the first instance of successful grafting of a human nose in place of an amputated pickle took place in an ill-lit booth on the Midway at Chicago’s World’s Columbian Exposition — in 1893!

  5. Cooper on December 20th, 2006 at 12:05 pm

    It has occurred to me to try to get on the school-story-telling circuit. At some point, I might do it to supplement the pension. . . .

  6. Sheila Ryan on December 20th, 2006 at 12:19 pm

    I bet the school-story-telling circuit pays little better than the ladies-book-club circuit.

    I’m with Brian. Go for the big corporate sponsorships.