August 30, 2007


Leona Helmsley’s Dog Buys Property, Evicts Family Members

Trouble.jpg
“Obey my dog!” declares Helmsley

New York, NY — Late billionaire and manifestly malevolent hotelier Leona Helmsley made news headlines again yesterday, when a search through property records revealed that homes belonging to two of Helmsley’s grandchildren had been sold to her dog, Trouble. Trouble recently received almost $12 million dollars in accordance with directives stated in the will of the recently deceased “Queen of Mean”.


Helmsley’s perky Maltese terrier was able to secure the titles to the properties and then immediately issue orders for the eviction of the present tenants. A cutely-named source close to Trouble hinted at plans for pet-themed parks that are to be constructed after the homes are razed to the ground. One planned doggie retreat is rumored to boast “2.3 acres of sumptuous satin pillows” and to incorporate “almost every squeaky toy ever conceived”.

The source angrily denied suggestions that non-canines would be forbidden to enter the properties, insisting that creatures of all species would be considered for employment as staff. Trouble was also described as being confident the theme parks would be financially viable and in fact, hugely profitable, and was quoted by the source as saying, “Only people pay taxes”.

posted by Michael Grant Smith in business, comedy, crime, humor, news, pets, pop culture, satire 

comments

2 Responses to “Leona Helmsley’s Dog Buys Property, Evicts Family Members”

  1. Billiam on August 31st, 2007 at 12:01 am

    Trouble, Leona’s Helmsley’s dog has written a letter to the house staff concerning her windfall (posted on Animal Internet)

    http://www.animal-internet.com/Content/ArticleViewer.aspx?ArticleID=872

  2. Michael Grant Smith on August 31st, 2007 at 11:56 am

    Thanks, Billiam. That’s a very funny link.