August 13, 2007
Rove Leaves White House, Assumes Control of Chinese Toy Factory
Karl Rove exaggerates again
In a move that sent shockwaves through Washington’s political establishment and the national media, Deputy White House Chief of Staff Karl Rove announced he would quit his current job, effective August 31, 2007. The longtime friend and advisor to President George W. Bush insisted he had made his decision a year ago and denied he was “bailing out” because of the Administration’s current myriad difficulties, or to escape impending indictments.
Mr. Rove — considered by many to be in league with Satan, the Dark Lord of the Underworld — announced he had accepted the recently opened position as chief executive for a large toy manufacturer in Asia, Lee Der Industrial Co. Ltd.
Speaking to reporters in Washington, Mr. Rove said,
“My original reason for leaving was to spend more time with my family and find new ways to control what they watch on cable TV — I love HBO but I’m still pissed about The Sopranos — but an intriguing opportunity has presented itself and I feel strongly compelled to contribute my considerable talents.”
Mr. Zhang Shuhong, the Hong Kong-based toy manufacturer’s previous CEO, apparently committed suicide in a company warehouse after news reports disclosed that thousands of toys had been produced using toxic lead-based paint and then shipped to longtime customer Mattel, Inc.
“Look,” said Mr. Rove, “you can’t go killing yourself just because you bent some rules or there’s a chance that a few people may or may not get hurt. It’s about achieving goals and, quite frankly, crushing the competition.”
“I’m building a new team,” the evil political mastermind continued, “In fact, I’ve already asked Don Rumsfeld to join me over there. His position will be Unapproachable Grumpy Guy in the Corner Office.”
When asked if China’s vague and inconsistent criminal extradition agreements with the U.S. had any bearing on his decision to leave North America, Mr. Rove smiled and said he had no prior knowledge or recollection of those agreements, and then vanished in a puff of noxious smoke.
comments
Karl Rove exaggerates again
Spew.
I guess Rove’s services are now officially on the auction block for the field of Republican hopefuls. Does he bring more baggage than his clever electioneering tactics are worth? In any event, Bush’s comments this morning show he is pretty choked up about it
Marcus, thank you for the link. That’s a very funny site.
Cindy, thank you for spewing.