August 31, 2007
Snow Falls, Perino Rises, Press Reaches For Shovels
Anything Dana Perino says is pretty much OK
Washington, D.C. — In an anticipated yet welcome move announced earlier today, impoverished White House Press Secretary Tony Snow said he would leave his post by mid-September. In the same press briefing, President George W. Bush named dishy current Assistant Press Secretary Dana Perino as Snow’s replacement.
Former Fox News pundit and media whore Snow found his $168,000 annual salary insufficient to meet his personal financial obligations, admitting, “I love money — there, I said it. I mean, I am so totally obsessed with cash…and I don’t care what you all think about that.”
Executive Branch observers almost unanimously approved President Bush’s selection of Perino for the job, the consensus being that she was “the hottest thing since Dee Dee Myers” although Marlin Fitzwater drew high praise for his “smoldering gaze” and “affable charm”.
For her part, Ms. Perino remarked she would exert every effort to serve the “lame-duck Bush Administration as it winds down during its twilight months”, adding she hoped her “intense hotness will at times distract the generally pliable and inattentive press corps” and “give them something to think about besides the opaque and specious pablum I’ll be feeding them”.
Mr. Snow ended his comments by saying pre-release copies of his new book “When I Learned I Will Do Anything for Money” would be available outside the conference room. Unsigned editions would be priced at $10,000 each, and copies with an author’s inscription would go for $50,000.