August 23, 2007


Vladimir Putin Too Sexy for His Kremlin, Eyes Bid for Catwalk

Vladimir_Putin.jpg
Vladimir Putin – not just a piece of meat

Tuva Region, Siberia — In a rare exhibition of hotness, Russian President Vladimir Putin posed shirtless while vacationing with Prince Albert II of Monaco in the Siberian Mountains. The hunky former KGB heavyweight thrilled an adoring Russian public with his ripped chest, toned arms, and pert breasts.


Initially feigning indifference to the attending press, President Putin then smirked while tearing a Moscow phone directory in half with his bare hands, used a classic judo hip-throw on a Black bear, and then clenched a strap in his teeth to pull a Lada sedan across a creek.

“I am strong like impenetrable Mother Russia,” the Adonis from St. Petersburg said through interpreters. “With guns like these, who needs profitable covert arms trade selling weapons to neo-terrorists and emerging Third-World nations?”

With his presidency nominally in its twilight stages, the enigmatic Russian beefcake was said to be considering new career options, including alligator wrestling, toughman/strongman competitions, modeling “designer” jeans, and performing as a dancer on Madonna’s anticipated 2008 World Tour.

posted by Michael Grant Smith in beauty, comedy, fashion, government, humor, international, news, pop culture, satire 

comments

7 Responses to “Vladimir Putin Too Sexy for His Kremlin, Eyes Bid for Catwalk”

  1. Cindy Scroggins on August 23rd, 2007 at 10:51 am

    Mr. Grant Smith, can you tell me whether the Schwarzenegger/Putin Death Match has been scheduled yet? Many thanks from an adoring fan.

  2. India on August 23rd, 2007 at 11:17 am

    Hubba hubba! Who wouldn’t want to keep that comrade warm?

    Oh, wait—he has his mantle of pure evil to keep the chill off. Never mind.

  3. Daryl Scroggins on August 23rd, 2007 at 11:23 am

    Tell me he didn’t suck it in for the pictures. They should have photoshopped him with a huge fish and a tat of crossed ICBMs on his chest.

  4. Cindy Scroggins on August 23rd, 2007 at 11:23 am

    Wait. What’s President Bush’s nickname for Putin? It’s Pootie-Poot, isn’t it? Oh, dear. Could this mean that Putin is, you know, gay?

  5. Michael Grant Smith on August 23rd, 2007 at 11:52 am

    Vladimir and Arnold in a death match. The winner? Every single one of us.

  6. Daryl Scroggins on August 23rd, 2007 at 1:25 pm

    New movie: Judo My Ass, starring Vladimir “Putin-tang” Putin and George “The Wringer” Bush. Family barbeque gone bad when guests arrive shirtless in Crawford, ready to rumble.

  7. Sheila Ryan on August 23rd, 2007 at 1:48 pm

    “Rootin’-Tootin’” Putin or Hunter S. Thompson? You be the judge.