August 17, 2007
White House Wedding Bells: Jenna Bush to Marry Karl Rove
Jenna Bush (shown on right) reconsiders
Less than a week after the White House Deputy Chief of Staff’s resignation, Washington was stunned by a press release from the First Lady’s office announcing the engagement of President Bush’s daughter Jenna to former political strategist/aspiring Antichrist Karl Rove.
According to Administration insiders, the President has already given his blessing to the upcoming union and is apparently under the impression that he has surrendered the soul of one of his twin daughters in exchange for his own immortality, reportedly remarking,
“He’s a good Republican, a great friend, and he lets me win at checkers. Boy, howdy, that man can eat some pizza rolls.”
Rove, a close associate of Satan, Prince of Darkness, was quoted as saying he hoped “this marriage will produce an heir to the throne” and that “twins are so hot, even when they’re not identical.”
The evil genius then denied his alleged marriage to wife Darby, suggesting that bitter and resentful Democrats had invented the supposed relationship in an attempt to smear him.
“I am not married,” said Rove, “and if I am, I have no recollection whatsoever.”
comments
I can’t stop looking at that photo. I once watched a couple of box turtles mating, and they looked exactly like this shot of W and Jenna.
Careful there, Michael–you almost got it right. You wouldn’t want to sully your ever growing faux-news cred.
“White House Wedding Bells” calls to mind how back in the Middle Wayback my pal Al used to crack me up by snarling “white wedding” in the manner of Billy Idol.
The news I report is more realish than even reality itself.
I’m just trying to show those goddamned Red Chinese they can’t push me around.
Your news reports, Michael, are like unto plastic tubs of Kaukauna cheese-food product.
Like windows on our world, to smoosh similes.
I would be interested in seeing a realish report on the discovery that one of George W. Bush’s ancestors was a box turtle.
If Walt Kelly were still alive and active, I bet GWB would appear as a box turtle in Pogo.
Somebody–let’s at least get some vampire teeth in there.
Achtung, Renner! The Mighty Wacom, bitte!
Your news reports, Michael, are like unto plastic tubs of Kaukauna cheese-food product.
I think Cheez Whiz would be a more accurate comparison, but thanks.