October 28, 2007
Benazir Bhutto: I Still Love Pete Doherty
Benezir and Pete speak of various forbidden passions
London, England — Former Pakistan Prime Minister Benazir Bhutto told reporters in London Saturday she was relieved Babyshambles singer/songwriter/crackhound Pete Doherty received only a suspended sentence for driving offences. The recently un-exiled Pakistani leader had rushed back to the United Kingdom from Islamabad to offer the troubled rocker her support.
“Pete is an artist, and a very beautiful man,” said Ms. Bhutto. “He broke my heart, but I am here to help him — politically, emotionally, and financially. I wonder how much dosh that skinny little bitch Kate Moss has stashed away in Swiss bank accounts!”
In the mid-Seventies, Ms. Bhutto was often photographed in the company of British musicians while in England completing her education at Oxford. An infamous 1976 snapshot of Bhutto dancing topless at a West London club appearance by The Clash still routinely appears on the Internet. In recent interviews, the former political leader and 1988 People Magazine Fifty Most Beautiful People designee has waxed philosophical, admitting her “torrid flings” with Johnny Rotten of The Sex Pistols and every member of Siouxie and the Banshees “may have been mistakes of judgment”.
Doherty has repeatedly dismissed his reputation as a boozy drug addict, insisting that he is simply a “casual drinker” whose only interest in drugs is as a “hobbyist and collector”.
“I may or may not have had relations with the Prime Minister of Turkistan or whatever, but I’m touched by their support,” Doherty mumbled in a charming British accent. “Izzat the little bloke with the mustache? There are some gaps in my memory, there are. I’d do just about anything for that Karachi smack. ‘Head of state’ means different things to different people.”
In Washington, President George W. Bush angrily denied rumors that 130,000 Blackwater mercenaries had already been dispatched to London in an effort to protect American interests there. In a statement released by the White House, President Bush insisted that the United States was not considering sending U.S. troops to Pete Doherty, although it reserved the option to do so if deemed necessary.
“The United States does not bomb drug users,” said President Bush, “We have too much respect for the personal rights of famous movie stars, musicians, and sports figures. America has very little experience with this covert Babyshambles group, and our intelligence community is presently scouring crackhouses and CD stores for evidence such a threat even exists. The next step is to monitor Internet ‘chatter’ in the hope that someone in the U.S. is even talking about Babyshambles.”
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this is the best.
. . . President Bush insisted that the United States was not considering sending U.S. troops to Pete Doherty . . .
SOS!