And when I say “don’t like” I mean ABHOR WITH A PHOBIC PASSION.

I hate the phone. I don’t like calling, and I don’t like answering. Happily, my children now answer the phone, and I get them to deal with the callers whenever possible.

I just really wish I knew *why* I feel like this.

Honestly, I don’t know why I hate the phone, but it’s entirely of a piece with hating public speaking, raising my hand in class, and going to parties where I don’t know anybody. I love people; I believe that insofar as there’s any point to being alive, interacting with people is it. And I can be horrifyingly talkative when I’m in a situation in which I feel comfortable. But I’m certainly not what you’d call a “people person,” and I tend to be verbal but not oral. I either don’t talk at all, or I talk too much; I don’t believe that I um–uh–like–y’know as much as many people, except ironically (but then again, we never hear ourselves say those things), but I’m not very organized when I speak, either. I ramble. I bore. And I’m aware of it, which only makes it get worse.

It’s also part of a general aversion to doing things at which I suck. I’ve had more than one job where talking on the phone was a large chunk of my work, and as long as I knew what I was talking about, and I knew what needed to be said, I was fine with it. Suave, even. I’ve also worked in offices where everybody shares the receptionist duties, and while I detest that practice, because the person who ends up answering the phone the most is the person who hates the sound of it most passionately—which would be, of course, me—I’m not bad at it. I’ve been told (just yesterday!) that I have a good phone voice, and I’m very capable of sounding professional. But it’s not my natural medium. I get out of practice with any kind of talking-related task very easily, and then it becomes repellent again.

And then there’s being a lousy rememberer. I tend not to remember things that are said to me or that I say myself as well as I do things that are written, so if you’re trying to exchange information with me, it’s best to do it in writing. Then I can refer back to it as many times as necessary until the information sticks. (This is distinct, mind you, from memorizing stuff, which I’m actually pretty good at. If I decide to memorize something, I usually can, even if it’s just a long string of numerals; it’s the more casual don’t-forget-to-buy-toilet-paper temporary kind of information that doesn’t come back when it’s supposed to.) It’s not uncommon that I get off the phone and think, “Shit. Now, what did we just say?”

And, of course, there’s the intrusion issue—I don’t enjoy either interrupting or being interrupted—and I often say out loud when the phone rings, “That can’t be good,” or “That couldn’t possibly be anyone I want to talk to.” I’m usually wrong, but that’s still my first reaction.

All in all, it adds up to the telephone’s being the physical confluence of a bunch of shit I don’t like.

Am I talking too much?

uggg!

I have also known a number of people who dial without thinking about what they are going to discuss or, even worse, dial immediately when something related to me pops in their head. This could mean as many as two or three phones calls from the same person in one day. You can imagine the aggravation.

I suspect that, for me, most of my distaste stems from this.