March 27, 2008

Vintage Microwave

Stephen reviews “A selection of curiosities from the free section of Craigslist”:

Mohair chair

I am moving and sadly cannot take these chairs.

You say you are sad, but you are moving because you want to get away from these chairs. These chairs are destroying you. They have held you hostage for years, threatening your family with their aggressive, visceral ugliness. Your entire post suggests Stockhom Syndrome, but don’t worry, we’ll get you through this.

There are 4 of them.

This is worse than I thought. I’ve contacted the authorities. Your neighborhood is being evacuated right now. Take your birth certificate and passport, leave everything else behind. Leave the back door unlocked.

They are grey mohair.

That almost sounds respectable, doesn’t it? Mohair. Get out of the house, now.

They roll.

We appreciate the warning. This is an ugly that may be difficult to contain. Homeland Security is cordoning off all of San Francisco.

Via evany’s extended cake mix

posted by in advertising, found, furniture, objects | * | 7 comments 

comments

  1. India on March 27th, 2008 at 9:19 pm

    I’m sorry. Can’t. Stop. Giggling.

    Wetsuit

    Food in a Bag

  2. Sheila Ryan on March 27th, 2008 at 10:06 pm

    Now you’ve gone and done it, India. I may have to resurrect “Free Cages”, a project I commenced and abandoned a couple of years ago back in southernmost Illinois. Here’s how one version began:

    I am looking for a decent-size cage for my mom. She is needing something that could house a guinea pig. The cage they have right now is way too small for her.

  3. Sheila Ryan on March 27th, 2008 at 10:20 pm

    How big is a decent-size cage, you ask? Here is one measure.

    Wanted: Bird Cage. I’m looking for a decent-sized (somewhere in the range of 20″ by 18″ by 18″) cage to keep at my parents’ house. Preferably not a cage that a bird died in for health reasons.

    Cages. Parents. The feeble glimmering of a leit-motif

  4. Daryl Scroggins on March 28th, 2008 at 8:33 am

    Oh Sheila, when I read the part about the cage for mom–of a size that would be right for a guinea pig–I got the most horrific image of a very large woman squeezed into a cage that makes her skin protrude in little rills all over. But the scary thing is that she reminds me of the Cheshire cat in Alice in Wonderland.

  5. Sheila Ryan on March 28th, 2008 at 8:56 am

    Or: how about Alice growing larger and larger till she is literally stuck inside the White Rabbit’s house?

    I love that scene. Remember? The animals inveigle a lizard named Bill into slithering down the chimney. (He’s the very type of a cloth-capped British workman.) Alice gives a little kick with her foot, and the lizard shoots up and out, prompting cries of, “There goes Bill!”

    All of this, incidentally, though completely off the top of my head, I’m confident is a close and accurate summary of the scene. I spent much of my childhood reading, re-reading, reciting, and acting out portions of Carroll’s two Alice books. Thanks to Professor Dodgson, I am what I am today. That is, till I change into something else.

  6. Daryl Scroggins on March 28th, 2008 at 9:28 am

    And I have always felt so sorry for the oysters.

  7. Sheila Ryan on March 28th, 2008 at 11:26 am

    Like the weeping Walrus! (That was a nasty trick to play on the poor oysters.)

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