Pull from your memory the name of your first pet and add to it the name of the street you first lived on.
Mine’s Susie Talmadge.
posted by Rick Neece in history, language, pets | * | 338 comments
Klunky Pippen Hill Farm
Sounds more like a sketchy dairy than a drag queen.
Pancho Dutton. Not bad. Better than Buzz Ryan, anyway.
I’ll answer for Jon, because it’s pretty good — and come to think, it suits him.
“Ladies and Gentlemen! Put your hands together for Klunky Pippen Hill Farm!”
Susie Talmadge . . . wait! Wasn’t that a Joan Crawford role? No, no — Bette Davis? Tallulah Bankhead?
“Ladies and Gentlemen! Put your hands together for Nikki Raleigh!”
I have the feeling that Klunky Pippen Hill Farm (Hill-Farm?) would be a real audience favorite.
“Ladies and Gentlemen. Put your hands together for Pancho Dutton! He’s not a drag queen. But he will be your friend for a moment.”
I think I just found my calling — and my DBA pseudonym.
I thought that formula was supposed to render my porn name.
Anyway, it’s Butterball King.
No, no—you needn’t throw cash at me. I do accept PayPal.
Damn, India. I thought that Butterball King was a distant relative of yours.
Sadly, no. But we did look alike. Butterball was a long-haired but short-lived blonde guinea pig, as depicted at the center of the lineup on this page.
Oh, India! I remember when you first posted your elegant bit of juvenilia on the care of guinea pigs.
Short-lived, eh? Well, I expect the experience went into the writing of the manual.
“Ladies and Gentlemen! Put your hands together for the lovely and talented Denise Star, known to some of you old-timers as Buzz Bauman!”
My drag queen name and my porn name.
Damn! Mine’s “Bozo Railroad.” Sounds like a really questionable bluegrass band composed primarily of former Shriner Clowns.
Choochi Farnum Hill.
But you can call me Chooch.
Henrietta (“banned in”) Boston
Petunia Indian. Doesn’t quite work, does it?
In high school, our daughter and her friends each adopted a name suggestive of the opposite race (i.e., the white kids took on black-sounding names and the black kids white ones). So for a time our daughter was known as Sh’Fucqua Scroggins.
It’s kind of embarrasing, but:
Gumdrop Neptune. Suck on that!
Pepper Orion – also the name I’m listed as in several friends’ phones.
No, I don’t think that’s very good…
Worked like a charm, I’d say.
Not bad at all, that should sell a few DVD’s…
What are the chances of two Thunders chiming in at the same time?
Scooter 94, damnit, Miami doesn’t lend itself well to this game.
Oh, yeah. here goes…. Meatballs King.
Strangely enough, my dog was actually named after the street that I was born on.
Fluffy Chesterfield, at your service.
Just passing through, but wanted to mention why exactly I usually don’t participate in this particular game:
pretty choice huh?
Yep, total drag queen name.
Take your pick:
Either way, I have a feeling I come off as a secondary actor and not a ‘leading man’
Trixie Belle La rue
Tippee Church: preferred porn name. Alternate (if I use the street I moved to at age 2) is Tippee Camp, which is the preferred drag name.
Careless Chambermaid Spaulding. My parents were a little wacky with naming conventions (says Jemaleddin Sasha David).
Sheesh, these really do sound appropriate to their purpose:
Jason would also have his own special ride at Disneyland with that name.
Boots the 11th.
lends a certain nobility to the drag-queen moniker i think.
Snickers California, now appearing on stage 3….
Sounds like some crappy surrogate for Carmen San Diego.
I guess it doesn’t work for Germans who’s sister was a fan of Ms. Minogue.
Mia Emerald Springs – I mean, Mia Springs is a great porn name, but Mia Emerald is sort of meh.
Raphael Daysbrook. Oh god what have I become?!
Midget (or Midge) Wade – in reference to my parents’ first dog
Bootsie Wade – references the cat
Has a kind of Boogie Nights quality to it I think.
I could follow the rules strictly and have Snoopy 1st Avenue, loosen them up and get Snoopy Wydown (first away-from-home address), or really loosen them up using current name-and-street and get Cookie Dempster.
(…please permit me a vainglorious moment of narcissistic glee: but I just love it so much!!! WAY better than my real name…)
rabbit + growing up in a golf course development =
I know that that isn’t following the rules, but what great Drag Queen follows the rules?
Hey, that works.
boom chicka chicka what
Christy Sweetwater, baby!
Chien St. Luke
Buster Orchard. Sounds more like a gay porn star than a drag queen.
lol all of yours are hilarious, great comment thread to read through.
“Petunia Walnut”. I win.
Mine is the absolute worst:
Little Bit Gary
“Little Bit Gary”
Beavis, we have a winner.
thank you very much, now where is my dressing room?
prince parkside ….
kinda has that michael jackson spin on it
Bridget Wabash. Pretty waspy. Which I am not.
Alas, my drag name would be “Jiggs 322nd”
Cha Cha Lemon. I think I was in Grease.
Kitty Arlington. Not bad!
Feather Eau Claire
“Little Bit Gary” wins for sure.
Mine would be “Jake Chesterfield”.
Ladies and gentlemen, I now present to you Jiggy Dixon.
Snoopy Reade. I’m not sure that would work.
Rusty Herbert. Sounds more like a position than a name, really…
Samantha Sundance. I love love love it. OMG. I love it so much I’m off to buy feather boas in every color of the glorious rainbow. Hello.
Here in England, this doesn’t really work. Patch College Road. See what I mean?
Alan, I thought you people all had addresses like: Jollity Farm, The Snugs, Berkinghamshire.
Oddly enough, mine is Jackie Brown
Sandy Crompton. ‘Nuff said.
I have the best (read worst) one ever:
Gimpy was a ferret.
Mmm… mine would be Sissy Tails
Hammy Oak Knoll
Goldie Mossvine. Not too bad.
I’d be a after three a.m. only type show.
Hide the children.
Hide the children, but I would probably only happen in a basement after three a.m. anyway.
Scans well, though.
It would seem mine would be Chickie Salvador. I had a hamster, but it had no name. Can’t very well go with  Salvador.
McDuff Dupont. Could work.
[...] bozo, dogs, drag queen name, muffin try a second drag queen name. Mine (if I were a drag queen!) would be Bozo 29th. Not quite right. But our second dog [...]
Wait. Ken Tucky? I hope Ken was a horse.
If I was a guy this might work, but I’m thinking it’s not such a sexy name for a lass like myself. And yes, our dog was named after the beer.
Re: Ken Tucky. I was wondering who in hell would name a street Tucky.
Grover Long View
Raven Walnut, pimptastic.
mine: Calli Megan. meh.
a few friends of mine:
and my personal favorite, Sable Baroque.
Karl Verbena. sucky.
Pepper Hartsough. Now all I need are some wicked high platform shoes and a feather boa.
Not too bad !
Hmm, that’s my next WoW toon name. Pink-haired gnome!
Simka Corey, Russian mail-order bride turned stripper, at your service.
It started off with such promise…
I love it and I’ll take it!
[breeze was a pony i stole for a day then the police came and took him back but he was my first short lived pet]
Alek, the name “Breeze Lafayette” has a delicious Folies Bergère ring.
(Was Breeze the name you gave your pony-for-a-day — or was Breeze the name his lawful owners had bestowed on him?)
Let’s see… I never had a pet. Let’s try Max:
Max North North Park
PeeWee Monticello ! This is funny stuff!
Princess Sparkle Marconi.
[...] clusterflock via kottke: Drag Queen Name = (name of first pet) + (name of street you first lived on) mithras = [...]
This thread needs voting.
Stormy Ross – not bad, but if I use my current address/pet – it’s Siren Durango. Very draggy.
oooh, and for my wife…
Max Cranewood. Works better as a “Porn Star” name I think.
a little late to the party, but here comes. . .
Peanuts Fox Hill
nicodemus lexington, pleased to me ya!
I’m not sure I should admit this, but here goes.
Rusty Cyrus… sounds more like an old-time country music dude.
I think mine is a goth drag queen: Gremlin Locust.
My curent pet/street is dead-on stripper name:
Though it would suffice for a drag queen too.
I understand, Champ. I’d be kind of embarrassed to reveal that I grew up on a street named Minuteman.
Per your rules: Peaches Fifth Avenue
I’ve heard it done First Pet + Mother’s Maiden Name = Drag Queen. And Middle Name + First Street = Porn Name. Either way NYC is screwing me on the street.
Obadiah Omar – yeah I know, kinda sad really.
I am not making the pet name up, it was our first cat’s actual name:
I keep waiting for someone to say “Dawn Davenport.”
Fatty S. Kline-Court
I added the hyphen to give it a top-lofty-ness
Pretty Boy Dorrington (a cross-crossing dressing drag queen)
Doh! I meant a “cross-cross dressing drag queen.”
Also works as a porn name, but Tammy Threesome would work better, eh?
Fill Myhole. Wait, how do you play this game? Did I win?
Sue Ling Vivion. Now THAT’S a drag queen name!
Nasty Slate Hill
I’m thinking that’s the worst drag queen name ever.
Ariel Jackson. BLAND
Simon South Shore.
How very blah.
Dog’s name was Snewly, Street was Pleasant Place, So:
Snewly Pleasant Place
Not too bad. I think he’s a gay porn star.
A couple of abodes ago, I would have been Tiger Lily Buena Vista. Definitely in the drag camp.
Mine’s terrible – ‘Rat Mill’
Hrm… the real answer would be “Smokey 6th”, which sort of lacks pizzaz. But if I could take my current pet and the second street I ever lived on, then it would be much better:
Sir Groganov the Flatulent Sargent.
Cheerio Adams. nice!
Missy Roo Redoubt
Actually, it sounds more like my “secret agent” name than the other moniker choices.
After meeting a local queen named “Beverly Hills” several years ago, I became “Hylan Parc” after Highland Park,Texas. If you know anything about it you understand. It’s cute, a little campy but total B!tch.
Afro-Cuban, Arctic dwelling, clove tokin’…
Calli Glenmina – I’m afraid that’s one drag queen you don’t want to see.
Didn’t anybody grow up on Beaver Street?
Let her know how you feel; Minerva Golden Hind
Fritz Hickok. Porn star.
uh…Bc 56A Ave.
i think its sexy.
“Cinderella Thunderpussy” and “Ubah Babee”
i’m terry cherrywood and my sister is molly mohican.
i also played this game in alaska with some guys i’d recently met, and we netted a max persimon, morris gladstone, and bandit simpson.
Marmalade Waverley (scary how well that works)
Frisky Rollins. Sweet.
We had two dogs and two houses when I was born.
I like the combinations
Rex Miranda (porn name) and
Misha Beck (drag name)
but maybe the other way is better?
both are good. i think i like mischa miranda and rex beck.
Foghorn Buena Vista – HWAAAOOONK!
Ginger Green Manor
Mine is Ebony Chestnut…..
I’m the one, the only, the foxy, Roxie Hicks.
mine is: Foxy Queen Kalama
Mine is, according to the formula, Candy Kenmore. I LOVE it!
My partner’s is great too–Coco Roswell.
With names like that, I think we need to come up with an act!
Drag Names not according to formula:
Leasa Space or Eileen Units (can you tell i do property management or what)
Or how about Bella Button-Lint.
Doing formula of dog/street:
Everyone Take Care!
Betty Windsor. I guess I was destined to be a queen from my very infancy,
I imagine Betty Windsor in a twinset and pearls.
Dee Dee Seville
willy walnut XD
Put on your best mascara girls…Miss Sparky 382 has just entered the building.
Tiny Market is mine according to the formula,
although I think my made up name is better;
My Drag Name sounds like a politician:
J. Perkins Garfield.
My porn name is better:
Well, mine just rocks!
introducing… Katia Aranjuez!
The one, the only: Sly King.
Sounds more like a drag king name though.
My fiance’s is Peanut Strawberry. Heh.
My Name Is Bruce Bunten
The one and only
Lady Ophelia Cox
I really like mine!
Okey…. Here we go….
….. well I don’t know what to say… eh Catwoman’s long lost and genderly confused son?…. an alternate name would be
since we had two pets when I was born…. * BTW I’m from Finland and we have such boring street names*
Skipper Anderson…not bad.
bwa ha ha!
my drag queen name is…
wait for it…
Isn’t that just lovely?
And, so sexy, too!
Pumpkin Monroe. I dun think it suits me : (
lindy piggotts , well i think that works.
hot damn. Lindy Piggotts is the best I’ve heard in a while.
OK – I have THE drag name of drag names. Ready? BLACKIE PARIS! Now THAT is HOT!!!
Mine is Shiva Lings Cresent. Lol
Ladies and Gentlemen, Appearing Tonight and For Tonight Only, Lets Hear a Those “Cat Calls”!!! For
*** All of them sound great…I personally think Lilly Morningside sounds the best though! ***
[...] recounting of Rick and Teele’s meal in Venice. No other posts come close, unless it’s Rick’s Drag Queen name post for longevity, and, of course, there are always cake [...]
Formula is a bit messed up. Should be :
Name of Middle School + Street you grew up on = Hollywood Name : Forest Drakefield
Name of your first female pet + Mother’s Maiden Name = Drag Name : Tootsie Neher
Name of your Best friend in HS + High School Mascot = Porno Name : Matt Panther
Perfect! my new porn name is Nina Panther!
I’m taking this name all the way to the bank!!!
Ladies and Gentlemen! By popular demand, put your hands together for Ms. Dixie Webster!!!!!
Ok, Take your pick:
Midnight Seminar, that”s HOT!!!!!!!
You can call me …..
She She Maguire.
Not a fitting drag name for a chica, as I would be dragging as a King not a Queen.
Good pornstar name though.
Well My Drag Queen Name from the pet and street would be:
Cybil Boone’s Lick
But My Real Drag Name is:
I think both are great!!!!
my drag name is khara mehl
Well get ready for…
Phillip Mcarthur … Pretty Sexy.
My friends is Uncle Peter McLaughlan
just a bit paedophilic?
lady footlocker. Kitten Kaboodal. Tequlia Mockingbird.
Lady Footlocker has legs.
Precious Jordan…i kinda like it…but not too much..ha!
Mine was a bit weird so I changed it from Chula Fourth to Chula Rialto…but then I wanted Chula Vista…..T_T
Chula Fourth was one of those rival popes back in the thirteenth century or something, right?
Mines Tarlia Elgin, not a very interesting name, but it’ll have to do.
Autumn Hill would be mine then
Blue fanny church..
This is great ill use this on saturday
Petunia Cherry…how HOT is that? LOL!
and my friend is shelby sherly
hers is better
I think I lose. Ladies and Gentlemen, put your hands together for:
“Sparky Farm Road 1464″
Sounds like she’s into goth… now where can I buy 12 yards of black crepe?
Rocky was my first pet, which happened to be a turtle
and the Road I grew up on was Oak Lane
I’m relieved that your comment proved not to be another Christmas BB tale, Paul.
Mine’s too funny….Tiny Dix (pronouced with the English accent: Dicks, not deece as in French).
Fluffy Timberlane, How does that sound? Im looking to go out in drag for the first time.
my drag name: sharon rubbers
Cleopatra Algonquin Court
Taz Highway 80
jo-jo washburn…… what do you guys think?
Chiquita Laura! I think it’s cute. it’s for my friend Josh. I think he was made to perform in drag.
Cece, you know you’re a bit late to this. God knows it’s been around the bend. Still, delivering.
Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for Whitey Shiloh! “What will you render us tonight, Whitey?”
“Stop in the Name of Love.” At the dive bar down by the train tracks. On account of Whitey is a biiiiiird.
All Hail the Queen of Denture Cream: Peanut Bond. LOL
mine would be Pogo Gornto, using this formula, but i actually performed for a time, as Ms Truly Bizarre…
Fluffy Peach….not bad for a drag name.
I miss Ms Fluffy, she was the best and only pussy for me.
The gift just keeps on giving.
Dewey Dell Chou-Fleur. That’s my drag name.
And I just made that up right out of my head with no help from dead pets nor long departed street ad-dresses. (But with some stealing from William Faulkner.)
I’m thinking I just may keep it.
Here’s one from the olden-days, “Fonda Peters.”
Update: I re-remembered, it was “Sofonda Peters.” A drag queen in Memphis, mid-eighties.
Sofonda didn’t follow the rules.
I wish I could remember how to spell Miss O’Houra’s name. I met her the summer right after high school, I think. 1971 or so. The “hour” in O’Houra was pronounced: hoo-er.
I miss those times. And the people.
Years after I lost track of Miss O’Houra, I read A Confederacy of Dunces and thought of her when I read about Miss Harla O’Horror.
Miss Harla O’Horror Old South pet dancin’.
My Drag name is so fitting:
Say hello to Miss SNOWY SMITH!!
This is the most durable thread ever. Surely. I do like Snowy Smith. They is a fantastic name for an Alaskan stripper, say, or Canadian maybe, flaunting her stuff down south.
Actually my real stripper name should be Miss Coco. Because I was in a club at the front once and needed to go to the ladies. The announcer said, “And let’s hear it for our featured attraction tonight Miss Coco” and I stood up smack in the middle of the spotlight. I got a huge round of applause from my table and everyone else joined in madly. The real Miss Coco was not the least bit happy.
a w k w a r d
Vangelis Star (Route)
Isn’t this the same as your porn star name?
Yes, Casey! Sometimes, I’m sorry I ever brought the subject up. Sometimes, it pleases me. I’m conflicted.
Mine is . . . Pandora Morton . . . LOVE IT!
I rather think Nicotine Richard isn’t that hot for a drag queen name…
(Yea, our cat was called Nicotine, don’t ask)
Maybe not for a drag queen, but I’ll claim it. Lowering of the eyes, then a knowing upward glance. “I’m Nicotine Richard. What’s your name?”
How did I miss this the first time around? Mine’s Houdini Channing. I’m pretty proud of it.
Nicotine, you temptress.
Sugar waterfall (ave)
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