April 23, 2008


The Talk

Jon was fourteen or so when his dad walked in unexpectedly to find him rolling and tumbling in bed with a girlfriend. The household being a secular-humanist-North Shore-Chicago kind of a place, there wasn’t a scene, just some embarrassed and irritable fumbling followed by a general, eh, withdrawal.

Not long after, Jon’s dad took him aside for The (Long-Deferred) Talk. Here it is.

“Son, sex is one of the best things in this world.

“Get as much of it as you can.

“Don’t be stupid. Don’t be a jerk. Try not to hurt anyone. But get as much of it as you can.”

posted by Sheila Ryan in advice, parenting, relationships, sex 

comments

7 Responses to “The Talk”

  1. Deron Bauman on April 23rd, 2008 at 1:06 pm

    I gave myself that talk.

  2. Sheila Ryan on April 23rd, 2008 at 1:09 pm

    Somebody had to do it.

  3. Alek Lindus on April 23rd, 2008 at 2:42 pm

    took the words out of my mouth Deron

  4. India on April 23rd, 2008 at 8:37 pm

    The Talk in my house was, as I recall, delivered jointly to me and my brother:

    You [to him], don’t get anybody pregnant.
    You [to me], don’t get pregnant.

    I guess my brother wasn’t listening.

  5. Sheila Ryan on April 23rd, 2008 at 8:42 pm

    Ah, yes. I left that part out (the “don’t get anybody pregnant” bit), but Jon’s dad included it in The Talk, I’m told. Otherwise, it was apparently delivered as I first reported.

  6. Deron Bauman on April 23rd, 2008 at 8:49 pm

    I think that’s implied in ‘Try not to hurt anyone’. sort of. you know what I mean.

  7. Sheila Ryan on April 23rd, 2008 at 9:07 pm

    Yes. And I think that in fact Jon’s dad did link the broad counsel “try not to hurt anyone” with a glancing reference to birth control.

    My own parents gave me neither a Sermon nor a Talk. Like you, Deron, and like Alek, I worked it out for myself, which I believe worked out just fine.

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