May 12, 2008
Jury Duty
Tomorrow I’ve got jury duty. What do you think are the odds they’ll take me?
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17 Responses to “Jury Duty”
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Tomorrow I’ve got jury duty. What do you think are the odds they’ll take me?
17 Responses to “Jury Duty”
Leave a Reply
Slim to nil.
pray for me.
three little words guaranteed to get you out of it…
“i’m a blogger”
(no offense, buttmonkey)
actually, I already filled that out on my jurist card — I had to fill it out in black ink and separate along the perforation…. I’m thinking that might be all it takes.
Is it possible to have negative odds?
I hope so.
Being selected can be interesting. But it can also be horrifying–and I don’t mean because of the particular crime in question.
Here’s one thing that will get you struck from the pool very quickly: as soon as the first question is asked of everybody–shoot your hand up real high and say “ooh oooh OooH!” And then instruct them in the law.
Did I ever tell y’all my jury duty story? I showed up last summer actually wanting to be on a jury, thinking it would be interesting and a good exercise in civic responsibility. Then I spent two hours in Voir Dire listening to “my peers” go on about how they don’t think they could ever convict someone of DUI without a blood sample (even after the lawyers and judge explained that the State cannot require a blood sample); how they would tend to believe any police officer who testified, because, you know, they support the Blue; how it could be entrapment for a police officer to pull someone over after seeing him leave a bar; how you can drive just fine after a few drinks, as long as you’re not drunk. Really, it was the dumbest group of people I’ve ever seen. A couple were clearly just trying to get out of serving, but most of them were giving honest, detailed answers. I sat there and pondered my sad fate if ever I’m to stand trial.
So I’m getting more and more agitated at the thought of having to sit in a little room with these people to decide the fate of the guy with the team of 4 Armani-suited lawyers, when a juror raised his hand in response to a reminder that any substance, including prescription medications, can be considered in a DUI case if the State proves that it impaired the driver’s ability in any way. And a guy raised his hand and said, “So, what if you’re bi-polar and didn’t take your medication, and you get in a wreck? What is it then?” That’s when I snapped and said, “In that case, the charge would be Driving While Bipolar, and we’d be in Crazy Court!!” The judge said, “Ms. Scroggins,” and she was about to reprimand me for speaking out of turn, but she started laughing, and all the lawyers were laughing, and the defendant was laughing, so they just moved on. But they took pity on me and let me get the hell out of there.
“Crazy Court” has just entered the Ryan Lexicon of Brilliant Phrases Borrowed or Stole. Thank you, Cindy.
Cindy, you’re my hero. I think I love you.
Ooh, and I’m reminded once again how very grateful I am that the only time I had to stand trial, it was a bench trial.
Thank you, girls. The bad thing is that one of these days I’m going to get in real trouble for one of my public outbursts and will end up in Crazy Court myself. I might need to call on you as character witnesses.
My brother in law—one of the more arrogant and self-absorbed people I’ve ever met—was dismissed by the judge after he couldn’t give a straight answer to one of the attorney’s simple questions during voir dire… the judge said “Please answer the question, Mr. Rice,” and he shot back, “That’s Doctor Rice!.”
Cindy, are you sure you’d want me as a character witness? In Crazy Court?
And Salvo, is your brother-in-law . . . no, please don’t tell me. I don’t want to know . . . whether he is an M.D. or a Ph.D. Either way it’s bad.
I’m quite sure, Sheila. Who better to judge a character like me?
Crazy Court is a 6-house cul de sac right near the intersection of Bryan Parkway and Skillman Avenue in Dallas.
[...] LOVE IS IN THE AIR AND SO IS CRAZY COURT [...]