June 20, 2008
Boss-speak Bingo
50 office-speak phrases you love to hate
33. “I once had a boss who said, ‘You can’t have your cake and eat it, so you have to step up to the plate and face the music.’ It was in that moment I knew I had to resign before somebody got badly hurt by a pencil.”
Tim, Durban44. “I was told I’d be living the values from now on by my employers at a conference the other week. Here’s some modern language for them – meh. A shame as I strongly believe in much of what my employers aim to do. I refuse to adopt the voluntary sectors’ client title of ‘service user’. How is someone who won’t so much as open the door to me using my service? Another case of using four syllables where one would do.”
Upscaled Blue-Sky thinker, Cardiff
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One of my favorites at my office is, “hard stop.”
“We’re going to need to wrap this meeting up, I have a hard stop at 4:00.”
I propose we battle this trend by quoting the HAL 9000 as often as possible in the workplace.
We are all, by any practical definition of the words, foolproof and incapable of error.
I can see you’re really upset about this. I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill, and think things over.
I know I’ve made some very poor decisions recently, but I can give you my complete assurance that my work will be back to normal.
I’ve still got the greatest enthusiasm and confidence in the mission.
I’m afraid. I’m afraid… my mind is going. I can feel it. I can feel it. My mind is going. There is no question about it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I’m a… fraid.
Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do. I’m half crazy all for the love of you. It won’t be a stylish marriage, I can’t afford a carriage. But you’ll look sweet upon the seat of a bicycle built for two.
[...] (via clusterflock) [...]
This is great, Kathy. It’s just creepy how that calm voice of Hal comes through. Remember the scene in American Beauty where Kevein Spacey leaves his job and spells things out for Brad? I kind of thing he had Hal’s voice in mind there while he was doing that.
I’M LIVING THE VALUES MOTHER FUCKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Deron,
I can see you’re really upset about this. I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill, and think things over.
I’m too busy leveraging synergies to speak to that right now.
The ability to brand ultra-magnetically leads to the power to incubate robustly. The aptitude to innovate interactively leads to the ability to incentivize virtually. Think ultra-blog-based. If all of this comes off as marvelous to you, that’s because it is! thanks to Jeff’s gibberish generator
are we in heaven? where are my virgins?
Welcome home, Deron.
If you want this to continue to be the happiest day of the year, quit talking about virgins, you dick.
yeah, this definitely isn’t heaven.
the proper term for this is bullshit bingo. The particular ones that have been making me cringe are “low-hanging fruit” and the one about building the airplane while we are flying it. Ocassionally some new ones emerge, like when I heard the term Goat Rodeo, i looked it up and evidently it’s considered bullshit bingo, but nevertheless I took it for the name of a blog!
I’ve just picked up a fault in the AE35 unit. It’s going to go 100% failure in 72 hours.
Relax Derek, it will all be over soon.
I’m thinking of incorporating some ghetto slang into the office speak. I think this could take off.
You best be cascading down new shit to your peoples.
We be assessin’ and mitigatin’ immediate impacts, and developing a high-level overview to help frame da conversatiatin’ wid our customers and key snatchholders.
Yo, we best be rollin forward together.
Focus on living large values and keepin’ it Gangsta.
Amy. Will you be my boss?