June 18, 2008
Dear Clusterflock
What are the best things and the worst things about having children?
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14 Responses to “Dear Clusterflock”
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What are the best things and the worst things about having children?
14 Responses to “Dear Clusterflock”
Leave a Reply
Living with them and living with them.
Can I tell you in a month?
Yes, please report back in a month.
Probably with pictures.
Oh god. Let’s see, the best things…. I guess that would be seeing delight in their faces and seeing them learn things–especially language. The worst things? Children are never grateful for anything. You do everything you can to help them all the time and often they appear to hate you for it. They are oblivious to the fact that parents are humans too, with things that they like and hope for and fear as well. They won’t even help you help them. And if you back away then, letting them have their own way, and things go bad–they blame you for that, too.
I think it’s very common for parents to think that once a kid is born they would instantly give their lives to save the life of their child–but if time could be turned back, a different decision about having kids very well might be made.
A final bit of advice: don’t have kids unless you first imagine, very clearly, what it would be like to have to set aside everything you personally want in life, in deference to the needs of a child.
If anybody else treated you as crapily as your child is going to, you would disown them. For some reason, the more they poop, puke, cry and scream in your arms the more endearing they become.
BEST: great joy found in small accomplishments that will continue to brighten your day
WORST: no sleeping in. ever.
The best thing about having a child is that there is no higher calling in life than that of bringing a new person into the world. The sense of complete responsibility over another human life is unlike anything else you will ever experience. It is forever fascinating to see the person who is your child develop–a person who is in some ways like you and in others very much unlike you. The feelings of love that I have experienced as a mother have been nearly overpowering at times.
The worst thing about having a child is that your child has the power to break your heart.
AMONG THE BEST: Kids bring you food.
AMONG THE WORST: They pick their noses a lot.
Not necessarily in that order.
Tracy; good one!
BEST - Seeing a bit of yourself in them which makes you smile.
WORST - Finding poop smeared on the wall because they didn’t wipe properly, which makes you disgusted and furious.
WORST : no more late wake-up on sunday morning
BEST : the best reason to not commit suicide
Well, my little bloke is only 20 or so months, so it is early days yet. Good things? Stuff like this. He still looks at me (occasionally) with something akin to awe, that’s pretty cool. Kisses and hugs are also nice. Watching him learn stuff is good. He can count to three, and I would never have imagined being impressed by that before, but I am now. He looks a lot like his mum, but now he is turning into me. That is very cool.
Bad stuff? The constant yelling is bad. I love silence and we get very little of that these days. The random acts of violence are appalling (biting, punching, scratching, kicking, climbing up on and doing any of the previously mentioned acts). He is a decent sleeper, but when he was still being fed through the night, the 10 pm, 1 am, 4 am and eventual 6 pm wake ups were hard work. It is difficult to actually DO anything productive when he is around; he has a lot of energy and likes being entertained and will let you know when he isn’t happy with you checking e-mails. Sticky stuff all over the place is a bummer.
We have another one due in August, so it surely can’t be that bad.
I have just re-read what I said earlier, and now I think I need to qualify things a bit more. I think if I were doing it all over again, I would still have kids. The thing is, when you have kids you really never know what’s going to happen. Each kid is different. And before they reach the age of 13, it is a lot easier to kind of anticipate their moods and needs and probable reactions and all of that, and act in ways that smooth things out. But watch out for puberty: it can be the advent of a complete stranger in the house. And those who think–Oh, I’ll do it this way when the time comes and everything will go just as I imagine it will–guess what, if it was that easy everybody would do that and avoid all problems. I actually love kids. I’m delighted by them and I even understand the odd ways they get themselves in trouble, and I don’t blame them for it. It’s just painful to see exactly what’s coming, and to warn them, and then you just have to watch it happen. “Hypothetical” example: You walk past your 16-year-old’s car and see that his I-Pod is lying on the front seat. You tell him–”If you leave that in plain view on the front seat, somebody is going to break the window and steal it, and then you won’t have it and it will cost more to fix the window than to buy a new I-Pod.” Two weeks later the kid runs into the house: “Oh my God, somebody broke my window and took my I-Pod!” This is actually a minor example and one of many that might be offered. And that shit will wear anybody down after a while. So if you want kids–how much energy do you have? You are going to need a lot more.
Some highschools have a program in which they get kids who say they want to be parents to spend two weeks carrying a five-pound bag of flour around everywhere they go. They have to take it everywhere–can’t lose it, can’t let it get wet, and so on. I think that’s a good program, and not just for high school students. But with today’s technology they should make a version of it that will randomly puke, start screaming relentlessly, get a fever, and hold onto something refusing to leave. See, we are all biologically programmed to play down the difficulties and to zoom in on that beautiful little face smiling and blowing bubbles at us. I guess that’s good, since objectivity would produce fewer children, and would cause the absence of many fine and lovely people.
Best: screaming “PENIS-VAGINA!!!!” and laughing in the car
Worst: they think they’re sooo good at coloring, but really they suck at it
My son is only 9 months old, and just watching him smile and laugh is beyond anything I’d imagined. The worst part is trying to change his diapers and not get shit in my hair or anywhere on me.