June 20, 2008
Oh Heavens
(This is a kind of companion piece to an earlier one — A Few Important Religious Ideas — that appeared in elimae.)
I don’t know much about it, but it’s going to be great!!
I don’t like family visits that last more than a couple of days, but in heaven something will make me like that for eons.
I guess I’ll like the new body they give me. I’m betting they will have food that tastes great but only puts “spiritual” weight on you.
I’m sure I’ll still be “me” and I’ll still know it, since I’m the one who did all the work of arranging to end up there in the first place. I mean, if I turned out to be some other totally different kind of being, why would I give a shit if I saw grandma again—which is a big part of the pitch for going.
No sickness. No death (I guess. Maybe you die more than once and it’s too early down here to cover all of that in the Bible?) No strife (Bible word for fear or waking up pissed off or kicking ass and getting it kicked). So will I want anything I don’t have, or will I have everything I want so I don’t want anything—which comes to a kind of zero?
I’m looking forward to screwing around with people who aren’t dead yet. You know, sneaking up on them and stuff. I wonder if you have to get permission to do that kind of thing?
I don’t really want to ride unicorns with Jesus. I hope it’s not like that. He’d probably be all buff and looking back at me with me stuck riding a lavender colored pony—if they even have animals up there.
I won’t be too anything. That would cause problems.
If it’s timeless, I wonder if I’ll be done with it as soon as I get there.
Won’t need shoes. Damn.
If a big part of knowing myself as myself is looking around and seeing that the world is the world—will it be there just like it is here so all of this works out? What if I go visit somebody from 2,000 years ago: does my world kind of mash up with theirs or what? Will all the ways the world could be be jumping around so everybody is too fucking dizzy to care about any of it?
When I plan a vacation, I tend to want some information about things like where to go and what to see. I don’t much like it if the travel agent just says “Oh it’s going to be great!” and “All your needs will be met!” Unless, you know—I’m getting a boner looking at the agent, who looks like Natalie Portman but she’s legal.
I think heaven is like a big orgasm. Who’s going to complain if that goes on forever?
If God knows everything, how much will I know when I’m up there with him, sitting around watching him know everything—including what I would be doing at that moment if I hadn’t missed the trip with all the hookers? I don’t know if I could stand sitting next to someone who knew every damn thing about me and everything else. All the myselfs that went on playing out all the could-have-beens.
Sleep’s good.
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6 Responses to “Oh Heavens”
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In Heaven you’ll be able to walk, eat, and drive while sleeping.
where are my virgins?!
You can do that while sleeping, too, Deron!
that?
them!
Sssh! They’re sleeping.
heaven sucks.