July 25, 2008

it’s my mower and I’ll shoot if I want to

An angry Milwaukee man shot his lawn mower for not starting.

According to the criminal complaint, Walendowski said he was angry because his Lawn Boy wouldn’t start Wednesday morning. He told police quote, “I can do that, it’s my lawn mower and my yard so I can shoot it if I want.”

posted by in news | * | 13 comments 

comments

  1. The World on July 25th, 2008 at 8:09 pm

    Dear Deron,

    Well, yes – he can.

    Sincerely,
    The World

  2. Brandon Hobson on July 25th, 2008 at 8:36 pm

    I wonder if anyone made love to that poor man recently.

  3. Daryl Scroggins on July 25th, 2008 at 8:54 pm

    Inanimate shit will mess with you, and then they’re so smug about it, silent–like What?. Then it will all work fine for the next fuck who comes by and switches it on. Then drinks are finished, everybody waves and drives off. And you hit the start button and–nothing. Nothing but that sound of Muttley laughing on Penelope Pit Stop. I’d go for the gun too; this is America, isn’t it?

  4. Michael Grant Smith on July 25th, 2008 at 9:56 pm

    He even looks like Elvis.

  5. Deron Bauman on July 25th, 2008 at 10:04 pm

    I was going to post his picture, but that felt too easy to me. I really like his essence.

  6. Michael Grant Smith on July 25th, 2008 at 10:09 pm

    If I had essence and a sawed-off shotgun I’d be unstoppable.

  7. Brandon Hobson on July 25th, 2008 at 10:21 pm

    Isn’t anyone going to make love to that poor man?

  8. Michael Grant Smith on July 25th, 2008 at 10:42 pm

    Anyone?

  9. Sheila Ryan on July 26th, 2008 at 9:36 am

    Maybe if I have enough energy after I’ve taken out the vacuum cleaner with a round of 9 mm hollow-points.

  10. Mike D. on July 26th, 2008 at 1:44 pm

    The man? Perhaps if someone had made love to the mower…

  11. Sheila Ryan on July 26th, 2008 at 3:23 pm

    Daryl is right, you know, about how inanimate shit will fuck you over.

  12. Daryl Scroggins on July 26th, 2008 at 4:19 pm

    Another bad time is when you’re assembling the son of a bitch. But of course some of that is the peckerwoods writing the instructions. Where’s Homeland Security in all of this? Can’t bad tech writing be viewed as incitement to riot?

  13. Michael Grant Smith on July 26th, 2008 at 5:21 pm

    Oh, great. All I do all day is edit bad tech writing. Sometimes other people’s, too.

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