August 21, 2008
the five weirdest olympic sports
These are or were actual events.
1. Solo Synchronized Swimming
2. Horse High Jump
3. Horse Long Jump
4. Motor Boating
5. 3000m Steeplechase
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18 Responses to “the five weirdest olympic sports”
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Solo synchronized swimming? Only for schizophrenics.
Forgive the non sequitor but I would very much like to add an interactive element to Olympic gymnastics - that is - the ability for viewers to propose and vote on new compulsory elements to various routines.
In today’s age of user-generated content I think the notion has merit.
My first proposal would be the addition of the “dog-butt-scoot” to the floor routine.
As a requirement for successful completion of the event each gymnast would be expected to drag their bony little chihuahua butts across the mat for ten paces or so and then spring to their feet with jazz hands and that ridiculous “tada” face that we’ve all come to know and love.
My second proposal involves the “Oompa Loompa” song but I won’t go in to that here.
Glad to see you’ve given this some thought, Pascal.
Then my work here is done.
Pascal, please go into that here.
Seems to me I remember giggling about events involving dinghies. And keelboats.
“Bony little chihuahua butts.” I’m stealin’ that, M. Ebert.
Oh that’s good, Pascal. I think they should add the netting of fish to the rowing competitions. And the targets for the air rifle competitions should be little wind-up mice running across a mound of garbage.
Yes, and Daryl — remember about the indoor air rifle events we have at my house? “Dead Presidents”? Shooting pennies and dimes and whatnot? Shooting the wife of Wallace Stevens, she who was the model for the head on the Mercury dime? Don’t you think that would be good, too?
A librarian who used to work for me judges ceiling heights by whether they’re one pump or two–meaning one or two pumps from the air rifle necessary to kill a roach on the ceiling.
That would also be a good event.
Daryl - your genius is subtle but great. Imagine the hungry masses that could be fed from the fishes caught in such nettings. I’m not sure about the wind-up mice however. That’s just odd.
Sheila–yes, I am an admirer of coin shooting. And no fair putting it on the railroad track before setting it up: I have a dime that’s the size of a silver dollar.
Speaking of olympic sports–what about that game of stacking quarters on your up-turned elbow, and catching them all with one downward swipe? Tryouts in every bar across the country and we would win the shit out of that one.
Don’t forget:
Armpit Farts
Team Armpit Farts
Synchronized Procrastination
Wet T-Shirt Volleyball
Figure Squirting
Relay Comparison Shopping
Greco-Roman Olive Oil Wrestling
5K Beer Run
Wet T-Shirt Volleyball - now that idea has merit. I just don’t see the men agreeing to play in the rain though.
It fucks with your hair, for sure.
Men’s Olympic Circle Jerk.
“Look at them go, Bob…this is what the Olympic spirit is all about.”
Man, he just shot across the finish line.