September 18, 2008
When I’m Rich
When I’m rich I will be the same person but a lot wealthier and shallower.
I will be able to pay people to give a shit for me so I won’t have to.
My car will be very expensive and capable of exceeding my skills to control it.
When you talk to me I’ll act like I don’t even know you.
I will spend more energy and money trying to avoid paying taxes than I would if I just paid them.
If you piss me off I’ll buy out your employer and fire you, hire you back, and fire you again.
Other people will shop for me, even for my really personal stuff, and it won’t embarrass me because I’ll be so rich.
I will build a monument to myself and it will be made of money compressed into valuable bricks.
I won’t miss an opportunity to talk about how much the food in this place sucks.
I will build a glass dome over Florida to keep out the rain and Canadians.
People will like me for my money, and that fact won’t bother me because I’ll be rich.
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Will you blog when you’re rich?
can I borrow a fiver?
You can do the not embarrassed one by being really poor too. At a certain point, it’s just not real practical to refuse something that someone buys you, regardless of how personal it might be.
Cindy and Deron,
No fucking way.
Dave,
I’d rather be unembarrassed by being rich than unembarrassed by being poor. Given the choice.
A while back, I heard you could get rich by writing down the recipe or technique for something that’s relatively simple, say how to make the ultimate peanut butter and jelly sandwich, mimeograph it, then offer to mail it out to anyone who sent you a dollar. All you had to do was buy some tiny ads in the back of Good Housekeeping or Popular Mechanics. Seems that could be made even easier what with the internets and blogs and all and with inflation from back then you could probably raise the price to $1.10 or $1.25 and no one would bat an eye. You ever thought of trying something like that?
Hi Rick,
If you eat crackers, peanuts, and raisins all at the same time, it’s like making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in your mouth.
You owe me $1.75.
Michael
Are you set up with paypal? If not, you’ll get your $1.75 at clusterflockstock. I’ll be ready to deliver, in nickles.
Just fax it.