March 12, 2009

President Norris

Chuck Norris wants to be President of Texas, y’all.

“I may run for president of Texas,” Norris wrote Monday in a column posted at WorldNetDaily. “That need may be a reality sooner than we think. If not me, someone someday may again be running for president of the Lone Star state, if the state of the union continues to turn into the enemy of the state.”

The actor claimed “thousands of cell groups will be united around the country in solidarity over the concerns for our nation” and said that if states decide to secede from the union, that Texas would lead the way.

“Anyone who has been around Texas for any length of time knows exactly what we’d do if the going got rough in America,” Norris wrote.


  1. Cindy Scroggins on March 12th, 2009 at 12:08 pm

    I saw this news item a couple of days ago and made the mistake of following links to Amazon reviews of Norris’s book, Black Belt Patriotism.

    I’ve yet to recover.

  2. Deron Bauman on March 12th, 2009 at 12:16 pm
  3. Cindy Scroggins on March 12th, 2009 at 12:33 pm

    You see what I mean?

  4. Deron Bauman on March 12th, 2009 at 12:57 pm

    and I’d always taken him for an intellectual.

  5. Derek White on March 12th, 2009 at 1:44 pm

    He would get the vote in Tanzania.

  6. Andrew Simone on March 12th, 2009 at 2:24 pm

    Are you folks making fun of a true patriot? That, my friends, I will not abide.

  7. Deron Bauman on March 12th, 2009 at 2:25 pm


  8. Andrew Simone on March 12th, 2009 at 2:26 pm

    I also recently heard a rumor that Chuck, too, is made from concentrated melancholy.

  9. Aaron Winslow on March 12th, 2009 at 3:09 pm

    I heard that too, Andrew. Concentrated melancholy and ballz.

  10. Dave Vogt on March 12th, 2009 at 8:36 pm

    No, Aaron, you misheard. It’s Bawls that he’s made of. Melancholy and cleverly marketed energy beverages are his primary constituent parts.

    Oh, and his beard.

  11. Cooper Renner on March 12th, 2009 at 11:09 pm

    I can easily imagine 51% of Texas voters voting for Norris. (And yes, I’m a resident of Texas, so I can opine on this.) Remember where W launched his career.

  12. Doc on March 13th, 2009 at 3:12 pm

    ab * so * fuckin * lute * ly hilarious.

    though if i were forced to put actual money down on the odds at Ceasar’s I am reasonably sure I could still get $8 for $5 on California not only seceding first, but doing so and no one being the wiser for say a year or so….