April 17, 2009
Texas is for sale, y’all
The great state of Texas is for sale. All proceeds will go towards paying off the national debt of the United States of America. Must sell before she secedes! You’ll receive the whole state including all sports teams. Historic sites include the Alamo, Lyndon Johnson’s boyhood home, Bishop’s Palace, and so many more. Think of the income opportunities. The state is also plentiful in both hunting and fishing sites. As an added benefit you can make all your friends real, Texas Rangers. How about that!
Current bid, US $99,999,999.00.
A bidder asks:
Can Texas is moved?
Answer: Yes, Shipping is extra but please consult your local zoologist and botanist in the geographic zone you wish to move Texas to as many of her plants and animals do not do well outside their native climate range. In other words, there are no refunds on dead cactus and prairie dogs.
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Is Possum Kingdom included?
Caveat emptor, y’all. “This item is not covered by buyer protection on eBay.”
Will I still get my pension? I need my pension.
I need your pension, too, dude. I’m still hoping that when my money runs out, I can rent me a little corner of that semi-detached shed/utility room/laundry room you got down there in Alamo.
The utility room is available. Since the washer doesn’t adequately drain, we can move it out.
I am not so large as a washing machine, so that would suit me well. Plus: I could take your laundry down to the river and wash it for you. Some call me The Laundress. Others call me The Washerwoman.
That sounds a bit lovely.
I’d cheerfully do your washing as well, Lucy.
But then I would have to move into the old washing machine in the yard or something, or join a merry band of coyotes. I am not sure I am ready for this life yet.