May 29, 2009
The Agoraphobic Reviewer
The Agoraphobic Reviewer reviews movies that he’s never seen with definite panache, and it’s absolutely delightful. Full of strange tangents and hilarious diversions, in one short week he’s already ‘reviewed’ Videodrome, The Other Boleyn Girl, The Big Sleep, and many others.
Before the appearance of ‘Before Sunrise’, dialogue played a very peripheral role in the fabric of filmic storytelling. It was felt, arguably justifiably, that audiences had a natural indisposition to watching other human beings forming articulate sounds with their vocal organs. The seasoned, sticky-eyed director, John Ford summed up this universally-held tenet of cinema when he said: ‘When folks start to yappin’, I gets dirty murderous’. Elsewhere in the world, Akira Kurosawa expressed similar sentiments, albeit more misogynistically, in stating ‘Talk is cheap, like Stephen Speilberg’s wife’. Cinematic legend has it that Speilberg agreed whilst slapping his thighs, guffawing ‘yes, yes, neat simile Mr Kurosawa’, though this may be because he is a craven sycophant.
comments
Leave a Reply
“The cast of Mamma Mia are bewildered, furtive passengers trapped on a driverless chunder-bus hurtling unstoppably towards an azure ocean of unadulterated atonality. Whither goest thou, bewheeled vomitmobile? Can no argument, human or divine, put a stop to your demonic headlong career? Whither goest thou?
This is either a super-human attempt to look fearlessly into the dark heart and tonsils of humanity, or it is a sick joke, propagated by a shady director that I imagine looks like a sort of telepathic floating Hitler with vicious, nipping crab-claws for hands. Heaven knows what the members of Abba make of this abject travesty of their lives’ work. Perhaps we shouldn’t tell them.”
Oh my god, so good.
Hey, thanks for the meaty commendation!