June 18, 2009
Amy said
Step one for most men to enhance is to get a book and find out where the fucking clitoris is.
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38 Responses to “Amy said”
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Step one for most men to enhance is to get a book and find out where the fucking clitoris is.
38 Responses to “Amy said”
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Smart woman.
I hope she wasn’t saying that to you over her shoulder…
Kidding, of course.
Unless the man happens to be gay, then the point “might could” be moot.. For the gays I regularly encounter, the clitoris is something of a “no man’s land”. So, is the issue here really about knowing where it is, or about doing something about it once one stumbles across it?
Perhaps inappropriately, the following cliche’ comes to mind … “even a blind squirrel finds a nut once in a while”…not to compare a clitoris to a legume.
Or, perhaps a “fucking clitoris” is different than a “regular clitoris”, in which all of the aforementioned may be discounted completely.
Danny, I do not take the slightest offense at the implied comparison of my clitoris with a legume.
In fact, I find it rather apt.
Perhaps we should find a way to fund a PSA or build a guide using Google Maps technology.
Danny, you might recall from clusterflockstock that I refer to the clitoris, in regard to its other function, as a pee pod. So your legume metaphor seems quite appropriate to me.
Perhaps we should call it a pee nut.
*sigh*
something else to remember:
first, it was the clitoris.
now, it’s the fucking clitoris?
give us a break already…
Danny, the commercial seemed to be aimed at straight guys who think all they need to do is have a large appendage and that’s it. Obviously gay men were excluded from my recommendations.
Doc, I can assure you that this knowledge will enrich your life. Unless you are a gay male and then of course it can only be used in interesting bar conversation or trivia games.
Don’t underestimate the power of the Pee Nut.
Michael, I do like that Google Maps idea.
GPS implants might be good, too.
@Amy -
okay – I admit that first finding the clitoris back in mumblety-mumbleodd did indeed change my life. I have a hard time believing, however, that finding the fucking clitoris will be equally revealing.
In fact, I refuse to look.
I need a clusterflocker (preferably one who uses pencils as a medium for no other reason than I love such drawings) to lay out, in detail, EXACTLY where the ‘fucking’ clitoris is. Bonus points will be awarded if the rendering depicts the geographical relationship between the clitoris and the ‘fucking’ clitoris. SUPER bonus points if the drawing also evokes the physical and emotional relationship between the clitoris and the ‘fucking’ clitoris…
As I expect this will take no little time (and perhaps a reordering of known human biology), I am off now to get 18 holes in (What? Freud always wore a skirt…); willl check in later tonight to see how it goes…
Oh, Doc. I already drew an opossum openis for Brandon Hobson. I may have to whip out my pencil and map the clitoris in relation to the fucking clitoris.
Sigmund Freud was a twat.
I intend the represent the clitoris as a legume. I am still meditating on the fucking clitoris.
In the meantime, you might enjoy this clip from Hedwig and the Angry Inch.
Sheila, if you’re not up to this today, we might call on Dave. Dave is quite the talented illustrator of chicken genitalia, leading me to surmise that he’d do a serviceable job of the female human kind. I understand that he is particularly fond of mammals.
Perhaps we should hold a contest, to see who does the best job of illustrating the difference(s) between the clitoris and fucking clitoris. Submissions due by 8pm CDT.
Good luck–GO!
Lovely idea, Cindy. I am inspired! I will draw a map featuring the clitoris and the fucking clitoris! I will take photographs with my new camera-phone! I will paint a mural and write an epic! I will write and direct a TV mini-series! A rock opera!
I will craft fragile taxidermy sculptures.
CDT stands for Cindy Daylight Time, right?
Clitoris Daylight Time.
Now, you girls are just being silly. We all know that neither I nor my clitoris is linked to time.
Someone should contact Dave. I’d do it, but I’m too lazy to look up his email address.
There are a heap of things I really need to be doing, so I think I will avoid them and get in touch with Dave.
Thank you, Sheila. I knew I could count on you.
It’ll be a Dave/Sheila smackdown. I can hardly wait.
I hope Doc will not mind if I submit something you might call a multi-media project.
I may draw something, too.
I’m pretty sure the clitoris and the fucking clitoris are the same thing. The clitoris is what it is normally called. The fucking clitoris is what it’s called when the dude doesn’t know where it is or how to talk to it.
thank you, Deron for articulating that perfectly.
Dagnabbit! I have the idea for my multimedia clitoral project. I have legumes. I have a photograph. I need to print the photo, arrange the legumes, write the text for the speech balloons, photograph The Work, and upload and post it to clusterflock by 8:00 PM CDT in order to meet the deadline set by Cindy!
That need not take long, but I fear I will miss the deadline anyway.
I vote to give Sheila an extension on that deadline.
fucking clitoris.
I have found an informative video, complete with a stuffed satin vagina (that I must have):
Key to Your Clitoris’ Pleasure
Wouldn’t it be incredible to have 8 or 10 of those satin stuffed vaginas on your bed as decorative pillows?
Wouldn’t it be incredible to have 8 or 10 vaginas on your bed?
It would be easier to get your hands on those satin ones, my love.
Thank you, Amy. I guess it is not for you to decide, but maybe you have some influence with Cindy.
It is really just a matter of needing to get to a printer. Though maybe not. I could arrange the legumes on a digitally displayed image — but then I am still temporarily fucked when it comes to the speech balloons. Though maybe not. We shall see whether necessity is indeed the motherfucking mother of invention.
Sheila, is your multimedia presentation going to be like this one?
Would tracing be considered cheating?
India, as the clock is ticking, it will be a low-tech multimedia presentation if it is anything at all.
Does anyone know the sound of one clitoris clapping?
Apparently, if we were all fluent in Farsi, we would have immediately recognized the connection between legume and female genitalia. Note the translation here for legume (http://www.websters-online-dictionary.org/le/legume.html) is listed as “Pod, Scabbard, Tunic, Vagina”.
Also of note, the relatively “common” expression of female masturbation flicking the bean (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=flicking+the+bean).
My apologies in advance for any offense this might inadvertently generate.