June 8, 2009

I am not going mad.

It is the world.

This, I swear, was not an auditory hallucination.

I had made a water bill payment, an ‘electronic check’ payment delivered and authorized over the phone to whichever middleman-bandit reaps a fee for collecting and relaying my money to a utility company. I phoned the water company in order to give them the [cough -- splutter] confirmation code they claim to require in order to credit my account.

The line was busy. I was put on hold. As I waited, I listened to a canned news feed, complete with commercial interruption.

I was encouraged to visit Israel by a voice claiming an association with the Reverend Jack Graham. I was urged to visit http://www.goisrael.com.

A jingly chorus reinforced the message, urging me to “Go Israel — You’ll ne-ver be the sa-a-me!”

posted by in advertising, commercials, economics, international, politics, religion, society, technology, travel, war | * | 10 comments 

comments

  1. Daryl Scroggins on June 8th, 2009 at 1:44 pm

    Funny to see this here, Sheila, since just this morning, after being put on hold, I thought of the response I am going to give from now on when asked if I could please hold: “Only if there is no sound.”

  2. Amanda Mae Meyncke on June 8th, 2009 at 1:50 pm

    No sound is worse. You can never tell if you’ve been disconnected.

    If you call the company I work for, I control the hold music. Right now it’s “Fight On Your Time Aint Long!” which is a Mississippi records release featuring found gospel music from the 1940′s. I’m sure all the industrial salespeople appreciate this. Not.

  3. Sheila Ryan on June 8th, 2009 at 1:51 pm

    I wouldn’t mind some Best of Parliament/Funkadelic, but by and large, just put me on hold and shut the fuck up.

  4. Sheila Ryan on June 8th, 2009 at 1:53 pm

    And I’d be happy to hear anything Amanda Mae chose, except that if a live human interrupted what I was listening to, I’d have to ask them to start the song again and play it through to the end.

  5. Cindy Scroggins on June 8th, 2009 at 1:54 pm

    Amanda, please try to find a way to control the hold music for the world.

    Thank you.

  6. Frank Patrick on June 8th, 2009 at 2:52 pm

    Instead of Go Israel, it could have been a jingle for Ferryman Funeral Homes or Red Wigglers – The Cadillac of Worms.

  7. Cindy Scroggins on June 8th, 2009 at 2:54 pm

    The Cadillac of Worms. Well, I’ll be.

  8. Sheila Ryan on June 8th, 2009 at 2:56 pm

    True, Frank. I think I was just suffering a minor attack of apocalyptic-world-view.

  9. Daryl Scroggins on June 8th, 2009 at 3:11 pm

    I would be okay with fart noises. Or a foley medley.

  10. Coop on June 8th, 2009 at 3:33 pm

    Or is that The Cadillac of Würms? The mechanization of everything. . . .

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