June 23, 2009
Nessie
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comments:
- salvo: I go with horrible parent. She’s 15, for crying out loud. Grounded for three months for complaining...
- Joel Bernstein: Yeah, I keep waffling between “horrible parent” and “best parent ever”
- Angry Sam: I’ll bet he has no idea how his daughter developed a tendency for public drama.
- Garrett: When I grow up, I want so badly to be a Future Cop.
- Rick Neece: I once was called, being I was the manager of the apartment complex, to the apartment a couple girls were...
- MG Stevens: I trust this was a technique of moving a human skull so the serrated fissure near the crown was put in...
- Joel Bernstein: We need a ‘Future Cop or Daft Punk’ quiz.
- Rick Neece: I need to lose weight or get slip-ons. I’d prefer the former. Working on it.
- Rick Neece: I told her, “I probably strained it by gaining 16 pounds since Thanksgiving, then bending over to...
- Deron Bauman: Good, Rick. Good.
- Rick Neece: Update: The doctor said (after poking and prodding and asking questions), “You may have strained a...
- Deron Bauman: Thank you, all. I am grateful for your comments.
- Kelsey Parker: This is beautiful. It’s respectful of the subject while still carrying a sense of intimacy....
- Deron Bauman: Trust the Morton’s fisherman.
- Sheila Ryan: And the fish-finger lawyers can finger-fuck themselves.
Cindy, does this appear on the Bristol Scale?
congratulations!
Conjoined baby squirrels?
This is a #10 on the Bristol Scale. It has a secret, though.
That goes all the way to 11.
Holy crap, that’s an incredibly clean toilet!
A #10 is cleansing, but I have never thought it healthy that something passes with so much ease. Something worth doing is worth a little effort.
Does this have a name?
I’m willing to put my hand down there if needed.
Is there a video? Like Andrew’s Atreyu? Can you tape it flushing and post it so we can see video?
Wait, Phil! Don’t! Don’t deprive me of the joy of showing people what a fearless girl I am when it comes to mucking about with toilets.
Oh. Hang on. Put your hand down where, exactly?
Why, Phil, of course it has a name. This is the famed Loch Ness Poop. I asked Daryl to please take the photo through a bit of mesh, so that it would come out nice and grainy, but, alas, he went for Realism.
Unless you meant, Is there a name for the satisfying act of doing something with effort? In which case, the answer is I don’t think so.
Kathy, I fear this poop is not quite flushable. That’s part of its secret.
Another part of the secret is that my poop socket is quite tiny.
I’m about to take Mia to dinner, followed by a hot date at Super Target. I likely will not be back here for several hours. I suggest you put your brilliant heads together and figure out the secret to this Nessie.
I bet Mia knows the secret.
You saved it!
I just know it’s in a shoebox somewhere.
I am boggled by its orientation. Were you sitting sideways?
It eerily resembles Mary’s mustache necklace.
Re: “my poop socket is quite tiny”
(sigh … ah … sigh)
For all the world, to have a tiny poop socket. This is indeed commendable, my dear sweet Cindy. Does one do exercises to achieve such status, or is it purely of nature born? “Tightness” in and of itself does seem to be quite highly lauded in our culture.
Is there some repetitive thing akin to pelvic floor exercises that one performs in order to achieve a tiny poop socket?
Share.
Sweet salamander,
Thy name is Release.
Y’all made my day.
Kegels you can do sitting in a meeting, while stopped in your car at a traffic light, or when talking on the phone. Not like the Alpha Ball which require you be sensible while driving.
It’s a goddamned sweet potato, y’all. But Michael’s right–I did save it. It’s in my sock drawer.
Oh, and Danny, the tautness is entirely without effort. Some of us are simply gifted beyond measure from birth.
Sweet potato in the manger!
Surely you won’t eat it! Will you keep it in your sock drawer forever? Please say you will.
Cindy Scroggins, honestly, you’re a goddamned anomaly. I love you.
And thus the “nature vs. nurture” debate will continue. Damn that in-born tightness that cannot be got by human labor.
Well, Rick, it’s not really in my sock drawer (in large part because I don’t wear socks). Daryl is actually going to plant it and see if it yields more similary deformed sweet potatoes. Natural selection, you know.
And, Danny, what can I say? I’m just blessed.
Perhaps your sweet potato offspring shall be equally blessed. Amen.
I knew it!
to be clear, I didn’t know it was a sweat potato, but I knew it couldn’t be real.
“Conjoined baby squirrels?”
Brilliant!! I just about wet myself with that one.
“Sweat potato”? That’s great!