July 1, 2009
from the comments
One bit of trouble I didn’t get into that I’ve always wondered about was the guy who stopped me on Bleecker Street when I was on my way home from junior high school. He wanted me to be in a movie, he said. “What is that, a musical instrument?” he asked, pointing to my flute case. “You can play that in the movie.” I said no thanks, but ever since, I’ve wondered, What kind of lame-ass porn movie has an eleven-year-old playing a flute in it?
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India, perhaps we were both unwittingly being auditioned for a porn film. Perhaps you were to play the flute whilst I peed into a cup!
As a kid I used to train spot at the main railway station in Bristol. There was a particular book every kid wanted that had ALL the numbers in it – anyway, I was about 9 I guess and was at the station alone. This guy approached me and asked me if I’d like a copy of this book – they were innocent times, I said sure. He told me I’d have to do something for it – pee into a cup!
I asked if that was it. He said yes, so I went to the toilet, peed in the cup provided and he handed me the book.
RESULT!
I have given it no thought until I was an adult – he didn’t touch me, not even watch me pee. He just wanted the pee – perhaps he thought it had youth giving powers!
Snatched the image right out of my head.
An eleven-year-old girl plays the flute as a nine-year-old boy pees into a cup.
Lordy.
Naturally, I am imagining the filming of such a thing as a comedy — the director trying to persuade both kids, both kids saying, “No way!”
Boy: “I’m not going to pee in front of a girl!”
Girl: “How can people hear me play my flute piece when he’s drowning it out with his peeing?”
Hot, hot, hot.
Not.
I’m just wondering how we’re going to pitch this idea to miramax.