July 1, 2009
New York’s Bad Manners
New York’s bad manners are often condemned and often very deservedly. Even though the cause is carelessness rather than intentional indifference, the indifference is no less actual and the rudeness inexcusable.
It is by no means unheard of that after sitting at table next to the guest of honor, a New Yorker will meet her the next day with utter unrecognition. Not because the New Yorker means to “cut” the stranger or feels the slightest unwillingness to continue the acquaintance, but because few New Yorkers possess enthusiasm enough to make an effort to remember all the new faces they come in contact with, but allow all those who are not especially “fixed” in their attention, to drift easily out of mind and recognition. It is mortifyingly true; no one is so ignorantly indifferent to everything outside his or her own personal concern as the socially fashionable New Yorker, unless it is the Londoner! The late Theodore Roosevelt was a brilliantly shining exception. And, of course, and happily, there are other men and women like him in this. But there are also enough of the snail-in-shell variety to give color to the very just resentment that those from other and more gracious cities hold against New Yorkers.
Everywhere else in the world (except London), the impulse of self-cultivation, if not the more generous ones of consideration and hospitality, induces people of good breeding to try and make the effort to find out what manner of mind, or experience, or talent, a stranger has; and to remember, at least out of courtesy, anyone for whose benefit a friend of theirs gave a dinner or luncheon. To fashionable New York, however, luncheon was at one-thirty; at three there is something else occupying the moment—that is all.
Nearly all people of the Atlantic Coast dislike general introductions, and present people to each other as little as possible. In the West, however, people do not feel comfortable in a room full of strangers. Whether or not to introduce people therefore becomes not merely a question of propriety, but of consideration for local custom.
(Thanks, sc)
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6 Responses to “New York’s Bad Manners”
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“Nearly all people of the Atlantic Coast dislike general introductions, and present people to each other as little as possible.”
I know that snippet is true for me.
Perhaps her introduction in New York to that cad, Mr. Post, whom she divorced in 1905, soured Mrs. Post on New Yorkers. Perhaps she thought back fondly of beaux in her native Baltimore.
See Chapter IV (Salutations of Courtesy), wherein she waxes lyrical on Southern charm.
What charm Mrs. Post may have possessed was, alas, of little avail against the cheap allure of the New York chorus girls to whom Mr. Post was drawn.
It’s this sentence that I find impressive:
“To fashionable New York, however, luncheon was at one-thirty; at three there is something else occupying the moment—that is all.”
There’s _a lot_ of ground covered in “that is all” and it’s covered very accurately. It’s absolutely ture that in NY, like almost no where else, people can be lovely, polite, and gracious at, say, lunch and then, whammo!, when the moment has moved on, so do the manners. Several times a week, I’ll be in a meeting where everyone is nearly Southern with politeness and then, once the meeting is over, the same people step on each other toes, avoid eye contact, and fart loudly in the elevator.
“Whether or not to introduce people therefore becomes not merely a question of propriety, but of consideration for local custom.”
Being of feeble mind and faint memory, I find it quite a practical thing to introduce others. I, more often than not, am at an event with someone I know quite well and suddenly confronted with someone I “know” but cannot “recall”. The technique is to make the introduction one-sided:
“Oh, how lovely to see you! Have you met my dear friend Amanda Mae?” (followed by silence on my part).
The un-remembered party is certain to introduce themselves by name, and I am off the hook for remembering anyone other than my best friends…
…and all Clusterflockers.
“In the West, however, people do not feel comfortable in a room full of strangers.” Not true of me! And I’m an introducer, like Danny.
Oh, how I hate it when that technique doesn’t work. I tried it once with our fair Lucy in the place of your Amanda Mae in the example. It was met with just a “hello” from the mysteriously named acquaintance. Arrrgh!