July 15, 2009
THE HOMOSEXUAL IN AMERICA
Homosexuals are present in every walk of life, on any social level, often anxiously camouflaged; the camouflage will sometimes even include a wife and children, and psychoanalysts are busy treating wives who have suddenly discovered a husband’s homosexuality. But increasingly, deviates are out in the open, particularly in fashion and the arts. Women and homosexual men work together designing, marketing, retailing, and wrapping it all up in the fashion magazines. The interior decorator and the stockbroker’s wife conspire over curtains. And the symbiosis is not limited to working hours. For many a woman with a busy or absent husband, the presentable homosexual is in demand as an escort —witty, pretty, catty, and no problem to keep at arm’s length. Rich dowagers often have a permanent traveling court of charming international types who exert influence over what pictures and houses their patronesses buy, what decorators they use, and where they spend which season.
(via marginal revolution)
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Women and homosexual men work together
But increasingly, deviates are out in the open
…particularly in fashion and the arts.
I screen my homosexual escorts rigorously and accept only the most presentable.
It seems to me they are getting all the best jobs – that ain’t fair – I want to escort women about and hang curtains – I have all the right equipment!
There are currently a few openings in my retinue, and I will be announcing open calls for auditions in the near future.
Please alert any presentable homosexuals with whom you may be acquainted.
Phil, you are certainly witty, pretty, and catty, and I am sure you have the requisite escorting and curtain-hanging skills. But do women have difficulty keeping you at arm’s length? Perhaps that is where the trouble lies.
Well, on a day to day basis they seem to manage well enough – perhaps I need to adjust my manner slightly, perhaps then the whole world of interior design and escorting will open up. I just hope I haven’t left it too late.
And the symbiosis is not limited to working hours.
When I read that, before moving on to the next sentence, I was sure this paragraph was headed in a different direction. I’m actually a little disappointed it didn’t touch on the bedrooms of those marriages…
[...] Inspired by Deron. [...]
WHO LET A HOMOSEXUAL INTO AMERICA!?
Dave, I think it was probably some Communist.
“Not very many people know I’m gay. And even less people know I’m Canadian…”
Presentable homosexuals take one look at my rather gaunt social calendar and out the door they go! “Ta ta, sweetheart! And for God’s sake, get yourself some decent shoes!”
Rick, now you tell me! Don’t try and make it worse by being Canadian as well.
Oh, Phil, hon, don’t worry–Rick’s not Canadian, he’s from Arkansas. All is right with the world.
Rick is being such a tease. A witty tease.
And I bet he could help me whip up a gorgeous frock out of those curtains he helped me hang.
And he is so damn presentable, don’t y’all think?
Cindy, why would he say such a thing?
Rick is most certainly presentable. He’s beyond presentable. Don’t tell Phil, but I think Rick is clearly the best candidate for the job. I mean, Phil is wonderful and all, but, despite being English, he just comes across as so, so–heterosexual. It’s not his fault, I know.
Because he is a flirt.
And anyway, I know THE TRUTH.
He is FROM Illinois.
Rockford. The city that gave Cheap Trick to the world.
Oh, dear, Phil is here. Hi, Phil! I think Rick said what he said in a pitch to get the job. You know how competitive the job market is. He didn’t mean to hurt or confuse you, I’m sure.
I’m thinking that Phil might have been able to pass for a homosexual when he was wandering the wilds of central and western Iowa. Guy with an accent, traveling alone, lugging a big old bag with him everywhere.
But elsewhere . . . yeah . . .
Hopeless.
RICK is from ROCKFORD. Not PHIL.
Sometimes it all gets so confusing.
So Phil, how are you at hangin’ curtains? No euphemism intended.
Rockford, Canada?
I’d gone to get a drink, but, my ears were burning – I’m just relieved that Rick isn’t Canadian.
Of course us English can’t tell the difference between the accents – well, except Texan. It has to be a real strong difference – the more gentle accents all sound the same.
Perhaps I could be Rick’s understudy – I have no idea what it entails, but, I’m well up for it.
Kathy, I can hang a curtain – I can put them hooks in the tape and get ‘em nice and straight – perhaps a few pegs (pins) in the pleats until the creases fall out.
Americans think it’s so cute when you say ‘pegs’ for ‘pins’, Phil.
Phil said get ‘em nice and straight.
Given how much I love your motherfuckingcountry you’d think I’d use pin!
Well, you do know the difference between an ink pin (Texan) and a straight pin (Texan).
Shoot. I think everybody else has done left the bar, and here we sit at closing time.
I know a little place just next door. Maybe we could head over there.
Pins.
Great idea, Sheila. I mean, it must be Martini time or close to in the states? We can pretend we’re on the east coast and work slowly west.
Westward ’round the globe with a stop at every bar.
Never stop for long though.
Keep on movin’.
Homosexuals exist. All homosexuals are men.