August 11, 2009
Dear clusterflock
You have to use the bathroom. You’re alone at home. Do you or do you not shut the door?
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comments:
- Joel Bernstein: I know right?
- Rick Neece: Being nice is a dainty way to put it.
- Rick Neece: Hey Cristopher? Who cried “uncle” first, at the end of your ten-year stand-off? To quote my...
- Michael Smith: Ours is the kitchen.
- Amy Mabli: That’s what happens when you give the dogs the bed.
- Deron Bauman: Sweet Jesus.
- Michael Smith: Don’t we all.
- Pam: I have a story coming out soon in a ‘little mag’, Chicago Quarterly Review. An old friend recently...
- Pam: And I thought, somedays, that my work was meaningless…
- Pam: I remember Eggleston at the Art Institute in Chicago a couple years ago. He was elegantly dressed in a dark suit...
- Christopher Walken: Hey Clusterflockers, Realize y’all are hurting. I’ve been a really close friend of my...
- Marco: This works pretty well in mobile, more so in iOS
- Michael Smith: It was not the intent of management to imply all sissies are “namby pamby”. Management was...
- Rick Neece: I take umbrage with the term “namby pamby.” Some sissies are fierce.
- Carole Corlew: Shelia. Happy no big deal day. I would start your very own post but this phone is in semi rebellion.
I do. And I’ve yet to figure out why.
maybe two thirds of the way.
I’m with Deron, not that being alone at home ever happens.
I don’t shut the door when I’m not alone. Neither does Alisia.
I don’t shut the door if I’m alone.
if Amy and I are both here: poop, door closed. pee door open.
I shut it but not to the point that it latches when I pee, even if people are home. Otherwise, yes, the door is always shut.
I don’t the pets like it when I leave it open. Otherwise, Yoda the cat starts scratching at the door.
Nope. In fact, I leave it open much of the time, even when I’m not alone. I’m also eager to provide reports of my output to anyone who will listen.
I close it when I’m using the downstairs bathroom at night–because there’s a tall window facing the street across from the door, and if the light’s on, and it’s dark outside–you get the picture. Otherwise, no.
In my mind this is related to something else: do you ever sing loudly in the car, hit a bad note–and then look around into the back seat, as if the worst thing about a hidden assassin possibly being there is that he would have heard you singing?
[...] Daryl Scroggins: In my mind this is related to something else: do you ever sing loudly in the car, hit a bad note–and then look around into the back seat, as if the worst thing about a hidden assassin possibly being there is that he would have heard you singing? [...]
Door cracked open so that cat can come in and talk to me.
B.C. (before cats): No. I felt ridiculous closing the door for no reason.
A.C.: Yes. In fact, since I moved their litterbox into the kitchen the other day, I’ve been locking them out of the bathroom 24/7. Less worrying about what they’ve been licking or rubbing up against.
I’m growing way less prissy, even if I’m not alone. Maybe this is my way of rehearsing for the time when I am aged and feeble and I depend on the kindness of strangers.
India: it can be a cozy time. Lena coordinates tender moments of box time with my early-morning bathroom sojourns. It can be lovely. Cats look so serious when they’re taking a shit.
The only rationalization I’ve been able to come up with over the years is my gun-shy relationship with peeing in public. I’ll go out in the bushes and I’ll go behind cars in parking structures, but put me within feet of another human being and it’s like my bladder lost her appetite. I guess, with the door closed, it feels …safe.
I get anxious about taking a shit in a public restroom where there’s only one stall. I always think someone is waiting. It ruins the experience.
Now, in a multi-stall restroom, I’m fine.
Once I made a huge poop at Wal-Mart. That was wonderful.
I half close the door as a gesture. But then I pardon myself if I burp or fart!
Now, as for public shitting – I get worried if I feel that the flush isn’t up to it – in Crete they rarely are!
Once, actually this year, I had to clear it with my HAND so much was my fear of leaving it blocked – an interesting experience. I didn’t nibble my nails for a day or two.
Depends if there’s a breeze blowing.
Phil! I recently went to a restroom in a police office. Said office actually houses the public restroom for a small retail strip in the area (Amy, Deron, you probably know it–the Crate & Barrel outlet on Inwood.)
Anyway, I took a very large poop in the place and the toilet backed up. It was a low water toilet (which is good), but it wasn’t working well (bad).
Long story short, I shot out of there, jumped in the car, made the gesture Steve Martin makes to John Candy in Planes, Trains & Automobiles after Candy accidentally backs the rental car into their motel room, and shouted, “Drive!”
Door closed. It is private time. Also, don’t talk to me while I’m in there. I’m thinking.
Never close it unless there are guests present. I also pee off the balcony.
No.
The hugest shit I ever took was in a bathroom of The Saloon in Minneapolis. I was standing in line and had to hold it until a couple others were finished. Now, mind you, my shits come like clock-work, generally, around 5:30 or 6:00 in the morning. I have no idea why a necessary and uncalled for shit, occurred at 11:00 in the evening. Still, the most enormous I’ve ever laid to waste. It was the size of a St. Bernard puppie. #2 on the Bristol. I flushed and never looked back to see if it made it down.
i don’t even think our bathroom door shuts. Irrelevant whether alone or not.
Anyone in NYC been to Peep? I was there a few days ago, my favorite bathroom in NYC. Mirrored door so everyone in the restaurant can watch you go to the bathroom.
more to the point, do you close the shower curtain?
Peep! It’s still there, eh? And unless I’m mistaken it’s you using the toilet that can see everyone else, not the other way around. …Right? Or was everyone watching me the last time I was there?
For the record, I don’t usually think about whether I close the door at home, unless we have guests staying. Sometimes I close it, sometimes I don’t. It’s no big deal, except if I don’t, Charlie Cat comes in to rub my legs. It isn’t unpleasant, just something I’d rather not have happening when I’m doing bid’ness.
Years ago, I remember using the urinal in the public restroom in the lobby at The Paramount where I was staying in NYC. (The Paramount is so last decade.) All the walls were mirrored. Looking any direction there were a thousand of me looking at me. I could also see a thousand images of the guy next to me. (If he were interested, he didn’t let on.)
yeah, one way mirror. For guys not a big deal because your back’s to the restaurant, but still. One day I want to write a book reviewing BATHROOMs in restaurants.
the door is rarely shut. ever.
Rick, your Minneapolis tale has really made my day – had me laughing like a drain, hopefully not the drain that took your shit away!