August 7, 2009
You’re Gonna Put Somebody’s Eye Out with That
I made Mia a peanut butter & jelly sandwich, set it on the old-style school desk she eats at while watching TV. She picked up a triangle and flopped on the couch. And this is what I told her, with no pause after the dash:
Mia, why don’t you eat that at your desk–you’ll drip jelly on the couch and ants will come and bite Mimmy when she’s lying on it and she will have to go to the hospital.
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14 Responses to “You’re Gonna Put Somebody’s Eye Out with That”
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Good work.
Here’s another good one that you might adapt, advice given to me and my first husband by the judge who united us in matrimony: “Be sure to wipe the jelly off your babies’ faces because that’s what attracts the rats.”
Sheila, you need to write a biography, some sort of Beginner’s Guide to Sheila.
Sheila is for the Advanced.
Love it!
How about Sheila for Dummies? The Oxford Guide to Sheila? Rough Guide?
Lonely Planet?
In response to that kind of warning, my son during his little and sweet phase would say, “But I don’t like that kind of talking.” To this day, when things begin to get a bit, well, heated, someone might just deploy that phrase to short circuit an explosion.
Shelia, I interviewed a “marrying preacher” once who sat at the courthouse in case a bride and groom decided at the last minute to avail themselves of a man of God for the ceremony. I asked for his secrets for a successful marriage. He said, “Make hot buttered biscuits that don’t fall down in the pan. And don’t hide money.”
Cece, there are oh-so-many instances these days in which I may try “But I don’t like that kind of talking.” It will probably not help, but I like it anyway. Thank you.
Sheila Is Not A Yak, and Other Stories
And you, too, are naughty, Daryl. Just like India.
Sheila is reminding me of some metaphor involving kettles and pots. Now, what was it again?
Like this, Andrew?
Precisely.
P.S. I love that song.
Me, too.