If humans had evolved from wolves.
posted by Deron Bauman in animals, dear clusterflock, humans | * | 41 comments
We’d look more like Hugh Jackman.
Amy could wear the goat coat herself.
Amy could then eat a goat herself.
that embarrassing coital locking thing.
Embarrassing, Deron? You’ve been in a balloon with a pigeon again, haven’t you?
In fact, I know just the place to acquire said goat.
Let’s ask Dave. He’ll know!
Good call, Cindy!
twelve (?) teats.
Somebody says we didn’t?
We wouldn’t call it “doggy style” anymore.
Canine-r canine teeth.
Sarah Palin would shoot at us from an airplane.
I’d have a whole different view of squirrels.
Wonder if we’d be more prone to lupus?
There goes the Marfa plan.
Greenland real estate would skyrocket.
You mean Sarah Palin might cull you and me, Cindy?
Dang. I’ll think twice next time I’m near to choosing the lamb kebabs.
More of us would eat our young and not get prosecuted for it.
We could shit whenever and wherever the mood struck.
Some of us would eat our own poo, also. There would be ‘types’. No one would be ashamed of it. Some of us would eat other people’s poo, openly in the street. No one would bat a fucking eye.
Our descendants would become the lapdogs of some other biped.
Now, would we be canine quadrupeds or lycanthropic bipeds? It might make a difference.
Lycanthropic bidpeds, absolutely. Otherwise, I’m not playing anymore.
We will still eat our own poo and young, mark my words.
And either way, we’ll be born blind.
Well, of course we will eat our own poo and young. We’ll just do it in a dining room.
And we will wear trousers and skirts with openings for our tails.
I knew you would understand, Sheila.
That “coital locking thing” is referred to as “tying.” It is a result of the swelling of the bulbus glandis (or “knot”) swelling at the time of ejaculation. Important because dog semen is very watery and the sperm need a few minutes (fifteen to sixty, with some variation by breed) to set up and get started on that long hike.