February 26, 2010

Four Poems by a Cranky Old Man

SCARED STRAIGHT

Boys your age shouldn’t be
playing with balls all the time.

Sports turn a fellow queer.

Now go on. Get out of here
or else I’ll make you blow me.

I’m not homo, just really lonely!

###

LIVE & LEARN

Everybody loves kittens.
Kittens are cute.

You know what’s even better?
Kittens are mute.

But the neighbor puppy
& his shrill little bark —

that’s what I couldn’t stand.

You should’ve seen him
arc through the air.

Unfortunately, dogs don’t land
as reliably as cats.

Or so I just heard
from the crybaby kid next door.

###

GOLDEN ENOUGH

That beer is really your favorite?
My piss has more kick to it.

I’m surprised you hadn’t noticed.

What? Where are you going?
You try living on a fixed income!

###

PRACTICE NOTHING

My underwear today
are older than you.

I’d like to review
your medical school

degree, if that’s okay.

I’m old, not dumb
or crazy.

And not every doctor
plays with my prostate.

posted by in assholes, poetry | * | 5 comments 

comments

  1. Deron Bauman on February 26th, 2010 at 5:36 pm

    Brian!

    you are incredible.

  2. Aaron Winslow on February 26th, 2010 at 5:48 pm

    HEARTS

  3. Michael Grant Smith on February 26th, 2010 at 6:21 pm

    Thank you, Brian. It was a shitty week but now not so much.

  4. Sheila Ryan on February 27th, 2010 at 8:12 am

    First smile of the day.

  5. Cindy Scroggins on February 27th, 2010 at 11:53 am

    Thank you, Brian. And thanks for the categories.

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