comments

1. Dave Vogt on March 2nd, 2010 at 7:21 pm

   Start with it wrong-side out. Fold it hamburger-wise and tuck one end of corners into the other, so that it’s now right-side out. fold hotdog-wise and repeat.

   After that it gets a little tricky, I just sort of fake it.

2. Dave Vogt on March 2nd, 2010 at 7:23 pm

   Barring that, you could always just get a lot of flat sheets and brush up on your hospital corners

3. Dave Vogt on March 2nd, 2010 at 7:25 pm

   Demonstrative Video

   DISCLAIM’D: I didn’t watch this before I replied at first, it could totally contradict what I have said.

4. Rick Neece on March 2nd, 2010 at 7:39 pm

   I point my fingers outside into the inside points of two of the narrow-side corners, point them into the inside points of the other end. I bring my hands out to grab the points I made of the inside-outside nested points. I hold the points as far as the fabric allows apart and pull the middle of the sheet to my chin and fold back to find the center point. I fold the points together to one hand and grab the middle with my other hand. I shake out the sheet from where I have it in hold. I open it up and lay it on a “relatively” flat surface and fold the bottom curvy part up six or so inches into the bottom then the curvy part of the sides into the points at the top, then fold the two sides at the middle. Then into thirds side to side, then in half top to bottom. It winds up more-or-less square. Sometimes better than other times. Got it?

5. Daryl Scroggins on March 2nd, 2010 at 8:15 pm

   Oh Oh Oh I’m glad you asked this. Because I don’t fucking know and the whole thing makes me dislike Martha Stewart although I generally like her in other ways. Anyway–I throw the thing on a bed with the elastic stuff on top. I try to make it lay flat, which means the elastic bits will be about one foot inside of the outside edges on all four sides. Then I fold it over, inside to inside–with One Clean Edge closest to me. Then it’s just a race to tuck the rumpled shit in while keeping the one good edge. It’s a wad in the end–but you can put the folded flat sheet on top and smash it down and piss on the people who complain about the damn fitted sheet.

6. Rick Neece on March 2nd, 2010 at 8:41 pm

   Yes, yes! That’s it ! Especially when the flat sheet gets smashed down on it. Does it really matter when its in the linen closet? When it gets stretched again over the mattress it don’t matter no way. I’ve never had complaints when its on the bed. (No complaints from others here in the house on how it looks in the linen closet either. It’s just my own goofy shit.)

7. Kathy Hilen-Smith on March 2nd, 2010 at 9:04 pm

   Holy shit people, you are over-thinking this thing. You take it out of the dryer and put it on the mattress. Why would anyone own more than one? When it wears out, it becomes a drop cloth or dog bed or some other useful thing that does not require folding.

   Simplify, simplify, simplify.

8. Michael Lang on March 2nd, 2010 at 9:32 pm

   The fitted sheet presents a unique problem in that it’s surface geometry possesses a specific topology which is impossible to map one-to-one to a flat surface.

   Bearing in mind the logical impossibility of folding the thing flat, owners of the fitted sheet should give up all attempts at storage akin to regular sheet storage and adopt one of two solutions, depending largely upon the local climate of their place of residence.

   For those in temperate climes, the preferred solution is to simply transfer the sheet directly from the dryer to the bed as stated before.

   Should you find yourself in need of two fitted sheets, like myself: a fine linen for the summer months and a sturdy flannel for the winter, proper etiquette dictates the purchase of a decorative tin to house the off-season sheet while it is not in use. Simply accept the inevitable wrinkles by hiding them within the confines of the tin. When changing time comes, press the sheet with a hot iron (~204° C) and exchange your freshly pressed sheet with the one currently in use.

   Enjoy!

9. Sheila Ryan on March 3rd, 2010 at 7:17 am

   Fitted sheets are an abomination. I scorn them, and so I never ever have to fold them.

10. Doc on March 3rd, 2010 at 7:21 am

    …into a ball.

11. Amanda Mae Meyncke on March 3rd, 2010 at 1:11 pm

    Wait, this is just a dirty joke, and we’re taking it seriously!

12. Deron Bauman on March 3rd, 2010 at 1:17 pm

    if it is, I don’t know the joke.

13. Phil Bebbington on March 3rd, 2010 at 5:38 pm

    Mine always appear already fitted on the bed. I have no idea how it happens and I certainly don’t intend inquiring.

    I am still recovering from the bedding in Motels. I have no idea who makes them, but, they are certainly not designed for sleep.

14. Sheila Ryan on March 3rd, 2010 at 5:42 pm

    The fitted-sheet faeries are responsible — for your fitted sheets, anyway. I’ve no idea who to call to account for motel linens.

15. Joseph Logan on March 3rd, 2010 at 6:11 pm

    Kathy’s almost got it. If you really have to have them, you can have two: one on the damn mattress and the other in the fucking dryer until you decided to wash that filthy one on your mattress, you slob.

16. Kathy Hilen-Smith on March 3rd, 2010 at 6:15 pm

    Thank you Joseph. That is it exactly.
    Wait…. what?

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