March 19, 2010
Your cat hates your baby and wants to kill it
Not true!
There can’t be many people who still believe that cats deliberately suffocate babies by sucking the breath out of them, but in case you’re one of them, they don’t. That doesn’t mean a sleeping cat couldn’t accidentally suffocate a newborn baby (there are a few documented cases), so it makes sense to keep the cat out of the baby’s room for the first couple of months.
Pet myths, debunked. The rodent-type animals in this pet line-up are particularly soulful looking. I found this one the most disturbing:
Cats purr when they are happy: True, but they also purr when they’re in pain, and when they’re dying.
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Nobody appears to have noticed how enormous this baby is. Don’t babies stop looking like babies when they get this huge?
I think it’s just a very small cat.
Probably. The baby still looks huge, though. Most small humans I’ve seen of that size have sort of evolved beyond the infant stage of things.
That baby looks like Eisenhower.
That’s the spirit.
That baby looks like Alfred Hitchcock.
That baby looks like I did when I was small – it might be me!
On a more sombre note. Timmy has a condition that makes him vomit violently from time to time – he is always purring strongly afterwards. we always saw that as a confirmation that he was fine. Now it seems he may be in pain – that’s quite distressing.
OR, it might be that he is tremendously relieved not to be vomiting violently. Your results may vary. Go see a vet.
The small human looks dated; the cat, however, is timeless.
You may be right – tis okay, I know what is wrong with him and he is on drugs. It just highlighted the fact that the purring afterwards may not be happiness.
That is probably because the cat is naked. Though I have heard that you can always tell what epoch a naked person is from, by their hair.
Yes, this is not the kind of news a neurotic person might want to hear, for instance. #purringinpain
Okay, wait a minute. Look at the cat’s right paw. It is huge! It is as if merely entering into the enormous baby’s domain is enough to make the cat afflicted with this same kind of retarded gigantosis (technical terms).
Lucy, I don’t know what is wrong with the other people here. You are correct–that baby is huge and wrong.
He is…. *gigantobaby*
Excuse me? We’re sitting right here, ya know. What do you mean what’s wrong with the other people here? Phil’s probably doing “research” with “tea”, so he’s properly distracted, but that baby looks like Eisenhower and it’s a very small cat.
Gosh, everybody’s so cranky today. I thought we could all rally around the astonishing gigantobaby for peace. And see our warlike hostile feelings echoed in the expression of the cat and feel at one with the feline within. It was gonna be Tim and Michael and Deron and everybody and it was all going to be so great, goddammit. Deron would cry and everything. I was really looking forward to this.
Cats would purr and die and we would all have an epiphany. All my cats and everybody else’s cats and Phil’s cat Timmy would be totally cool of course. It would be somebody else’s cat. And the cat would die in happiness, and pleasantly, and for the greater good.
Okay so no cat’s death is for anybody’s greater good. It would be terrible and we would all grieve the unknown cat. But he would be purring while he died, and that really is the point.
Well, fuck me for living. I didn’t say the fucking baby doesn’t look like fucking Eisenhower. He does. And I didn’t say the fucking cat isn’t small. But that goddamn baby is huge, whether Deron cries or not.
Let’s ask that guy who knows about the holidays.
I’m just going to chime in here. Have we considered that perhaps this baby IS Phil doing some early research (that does look like a tea cup in his hand)?
Well that would explain the cat’s expression.
Michael. You might have something there. Where’s that gigantobaby’s other hand? Why is that kitty so pissed?
Phil did say that baby looks like him.
Jeesus, Phil — look what you’ve started.
That is either a radioactive baby or the cat is some variety of mystical little people, but I can assure you that the appearance of being feline is merely a highly realistic costume and the individual in the catsuit is a highly-trained assassin.
There’s a giant cat in the picture too, he’s just wearing a cloak of invisibility.
. . .looks like a breath sucker. I do not care what the link says.
The cat has good reason, Kathy. You know what Phil is like.
Well, I don’t know, but I’ve heard.
Michael, you see what I mean about cocktail hour in the UK? If not that post, then this one. Me? I’m just starting cocktail hour. I need my medicine.
Anyone else notice how Phil changed the subject up there at comment #8?
Jesus. I totally fell for it.
Well it is late here but no cocktails. I’ve been thinking about having a margarita for a few weeks now, have still not gotten around to it. I have Patron and Grand Marnier downstairs and everything. I’m afraid I’m the odd one out in this company, drinking-wise.
May be the cat ain’t pissed at all. Maybe “gigantobaby” just told a good one. Maybe the baby just cut a hot fart. Maybe that cat is laughing out loud.
I think that cat is the model for the “Hang in There, Baby” poster so popular a few years back at that gift and novelty store every mall had one of, what was the name? Maybe Spencer’s Gifts is still around? Black lights, fibre-optic twirly orbs? I don’t know, I haven’t been to a Mall in years. I only do “big box” stores anymore.
. . .twirly orbs? Do tell, Rick!
Oh, Lucy, don’t th’ow ye young life away, like I did, you still have a chance.
To twirl orbs in malls? With gigantocats? I suppose anything is possible. While sipping a margarita? It would appear unlikely.
The thing I like about this transatlantic stuff is that it is always time for a cocktail, or nearly always.
Then I got to thinking about Timmy’s sickness and then for some reason that lead my brain on to an incident when my son Richard was a baby, I kissed him and at the same moment he was sick in my mouth.
This has nothing to do with anything, although I remember being rather put out at the time and a little frustrated as I had no one to take it out on. MMmmm, I often wondered why I divorced his mother, a moment of clarity through the red wine haze perhaps.
Anyway, Eisenhower, yes.
I ain’t cranky and yes, he does look like me as a baby.
Kathy! You’ve never been to Spencer’s Gifts? The Mall stores were especial.
Rick, that’s where I get my black-light posters. I don’t recall twirly orbs though.
I remember the cat a tabby. Seems it wasn’t so.
There were these chrome orbs on a stand, with a big hair-do of wavy, thin fibre optic threads with tiny points of color-changing light on the ends. The twirling was slow.
They were mezmerizing. Maybe, I can find a link. I’ll try.
Here’s one, without the “orb” between the hair-do and the base.
Wow. I think I badly wanted one of those when I was a kid. Or else one with a fake waterfall that had the same effect.
Also the plasma lightning ball. But I thought you could only get those in museums and stuff.
So, since no one else is online tonight and we have the Internet to ourselves, what do you guys think about the egg/poop controversy?
Well it wasn’t exactly as tetchy as the conversation with the everything-sandwich woman.
I mean, people get pissed off around here every now and then. That’s the magic of the internet.
I thought the egg/poop thing was all cleared up. In part, thanks to Cindy. Don’t tell me I still have to worry.
hey. that’s a big baby.