May 11, 2010
Subconscious excrescence
I couldn’t tell you what brought me to the vet with Nina, but we were there and his diagnosis wasn’t positive. He said she needed surgery, I would have to sign some paperwork, and the next thing I knew it was all over and my rabbit was still alive.
The vet carried her out of the back room under the crook of an arm, holding one of his wide palms over her eyes the way I do when we walk down to the park together. In his other hand was a sandwich baggie, dangling just beneath her front claws. Three exoskeletoned parasites climbed inside the clear plastic walls, stepping over two rollie pollie bugs faking death at the bottom.
“We found these inside the intestines of your rabbit,” he said. “When did you last wash out her water bowl?”
Before I could answer I realized that Nina was no longer ruddy brown but white. Everything about her was the same — including that nipped-off part of her left ear — except her fur was the color of light.
Then I woke up.
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I love dreams.
sometimes.
Kelsey, you are the first person from whom I have ever heard what comes close to a version of my most frequently recurring dream: the Neglected Pet dream. Dreams in this series are often worse than yours; the pet is often near death because I forgot something really basic like food or water.
They are so damn awful. I hesitate to guess their psychic (emotional) significance.
Lovely, Kelsey.
For the record, I am about to leave my pet in the care of perfect strangers for three months.
Sheila— it’s upsetting to think you have dreams like this with regularity.
And thanks, Cindy.
I take very good care of my pet. It’s myself and other people I tend to neglect.
I love dreams, but, I never remember quite enough to be satisfied.
Kelsey, Nina will be fine — but I know the feeling (of worry over leaving a pet in another’s care). My mind — and experience — tell me not to fret, but not fretting over it is difficult.
Trust me, though. She will be fine.
It’s worth mentioning that Nina’s vet is a woman. A somewhat masculine woman, but a woman all the same. What’s with my subconscious switching her gender?
Kels, I have often been the perfect stranger in whose care a much beloved pet – and often home – was placed with no more of a background check than a look in the eye, and you know, this was probably the single feature of New York life that I cherished the most at the time. The trust. If you felt when you met these people that Nina would be in the right hands, then I am sure your instinct was sound.
Hurrah for Lucy. She jumped in just as I was about to post a comment about her and about how well I know that she has cared for others’ pets.
Sleeping with squiglets!
Phil, it might be possible to train yourself to remember dreams.
Maybe I could add a workshop on Hypnagogic States to all my other workshops!
I always remember enough to tease, but, never enough for the complete story.
You could make up the rest!
Lucy— I’ll have the chance to look these people in the eye tomorrow night, and if they’re half as wonderful as you are then I believe Nina will be okay.
I had a dream a few nights ago where I cut Sebastian’s (my dog’s) front paws off with a ridiculously sharp sword, and removed all the flesh up to the elbow. I remember in the dream cursing the fact that I did the second one too far up and now would have to raise the other to meet it. I did all of it in the same tone as I would trim his nails. “I know buddy. Just hold still and we’ll be done soon and then we can go outside.”
I had a terrible day at work after that, and when I got home I just hugged him and fed him too many treats.
Jeebus, Dave.
Douglas’s surgery is tomorrow.
Deron, I am still holding my best thoughts for you, Amy, and the pups. When will you know that the cancer hasn’t spread?
Holding Douglas and all y’all in my heart.
thanks, y’all. that’s the problem we have since found out. no dog survives this cancer. the amputation is simply a step and it must be undertaken with chemotherapy to produce any lasting impact.
This reminds me about how Tar went, in such extreme pain and such suddenness in the middle of a Sunday night, and Daryl talking about his dalmation (I think) who he filled full of drugs that eased his pain and then swiftly had him put down, and all these stories are so varied, these experiences of the passing of a pet. It will break your heart no matter what way he goes; his comfort is the #1 thing; and remember that only love will break your heart.
I still think about Tar, Lucy.
Deron, I’m thinking of you all.
thank you thank you thank you.