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June 14, 2010

Ask Swearengen

Dear Al,

Although I don’t usually like to keep secrets, I recently ordered a bicycle in anticipation of moving to a house in the city. While I obviously wouldn’t try to hide my bicycle from my partner, I did neglect to tell her about the purchase at the time. I wanted to have the bike so that there would be something tangible associated with the expenditure. Alas, the vendor–who had promised discretion–mailed a postcard to our current home thanking me for the purchase. While the discovery was coincidental, I feel remorse over withholding what was a happy moment for me. What should I do?

Pussywhipped in Parsippany

—

Dear P’Whipped,

Oh, a turn of events. Your partner calls it a coincidence. So, what with this coincidence and turn of events starin’ me in the fuckin’ face and five other fuckin’ things I’m supposed to be payin’ attention to, I still make you a sensible proposal and you answer by insulting me in my own joint. Fuck off.

Al