June 19, 2010

Jimmy Dean Sausage Complaint Call, transcribed

Randy Taylor. I don’t know where you people come from. I don’t know if you test your products. Your quantity of your products. Your products are very delicious. Love your sausage for thirty something years. But I can’t take and feed a family of five on a little twelve ounce roll of sausage. I don’t mind paying more money for your sixteen ounce roll of sausage, but you don’t have it anymore. You’ve got a twelve ounce roll and you’ve got three men that weigh over two-hundred pounds a piece, a woman that’s a little plump Scotch girl, and a daughter who’s thirteen, and you’re going to try to take a twelve ounce roll of sausage and a couple of dozen eggs and feed that — it ain’t going to work — and I’m not going to purchase your product any more or ever again. And as far as your sixteen ounce Maple and Sage, I don’t eat that. I’m not from the North. I’m a Texas man. Jimmy Dean Sausage is for Southern people to eat with their breakfast, with their fried eggs and their t-bone steak, and I can’t see going to little twelve ounce package to feed four five six people and I’m not going to buy two of those twelve ounce packages just because you want to downsize and charge the same goddamn price. I’d sure like a reply and I’d sure like you to go back to your sixteen ounce package on your regular sausage ’cause I’m not going to buy it otherwise ever again. I’ll just have my own damn sausage made like I used to thirty something years ago. It’s not tasty as yours is but it’ll work. Good bye. A little twelve ounce goddamn roll supposed to feed your brother, me, and you — six hundred pounds of men at least, get my point? — and the two girls, and they put it in that fucking pussy roll of sausage. Son of a bitch. Somebody needs their ass kicked. Some little consumer geekaroid thought this shit up. Save money, yeah. Saves money. Save money. Fuck, I want to eat, goddammit.

comments

  1. Sheila Ryan on June 19th, 2010 at 12:33 pm

    I think we should all memorize this.

    (And I think he might have said “consumer geekazoid.)

  2. Deron Bauman on June 19th, 2010 at 12:37 pm

    oh! I had it way slowed down, but that’s probably right. I’ll go ahead and fix it. and yep, I thought if we were going to do our own recordings, it might be helpful to have the script. let me know if I missed anything else.

  3. Sheila Ryan on June 19th, 2010 at 12:43 pm

    Deron, your transcription will be most helpful.

  4. Deron Bauman on June 19th, 2010 at 12:57 pm

    Sheila, I hear geekaroid.

  5. Sheila Ryan on June 19th, 2010 at 1:14 pm

    I can hear both, so I’m proceeding by analogy with ‘freakazoid’.

    Maybe you can record a ‘geekaroid’ version and I can record a ‘geekazoid’ version and we can let the people decide.

  6. Deron Bauman on June 19th, 2010 at 1:16 pm

    it is ‘meat’ and right so to do.

  7. Sheila Ryan on June 19th, 2010 at 1:35 pm

    More meat and tea.

  8. Cindy Scroggins on June 19th, 2010 at 1:39 pm

    This year’s Christmas letter–Randy Taylor.

  9. Michael Smith on June 20th, 2010 at 12:55 pm

    I’m practicing mine as we speak. Maybe I’ll get something up next week if I can figure out how to record it.

  10. Deron Bauman on June 20th, 2010 at 12:58 pm

    Randy Taylor.

  11. Evan Benz on June 25th, 2010 at 7:19 pm

    That really sucks that he has to share his 12 ounce Jimmy Dean sausage roll with 4 other people. I always have left overs.

  12. randy taylor on November 20th, 2012 at 2:36 pm

    There is a part missing, after “…cause I’m not going to buy it otherwise ever again” he says something like … they’ll rig ya”