June 7, 2010
What we talk about when we talk about loos
The only reason I can think of why Europeans haven’t figured out how to design better toilets (besides stubborn pride) is that they’d rather manually scrape their poop smears from bare porcelain than risk a dollop of water splashing on their bungholios whilst pooping. Or am I missing something? In lieu of an up-close & personal demonstrative smear shot I give you the bigger picture of our new loo.
The only way a guy could possibly hit the water target is to have his twig & berries above the lid & angle his sphincter with legs lifted. If it’s any consolation we have a bidet, but that only works for smeared flesh, not smeared porcelain.
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inspired.
Europeans. They’re just flat-out nasty.
Derek, that floor is ugly. Maybe you can get Deron and Daryl over there to replace it for you in 6-11 years.
That’s actually some sort of old special tile requiring some special treatment and that may prevent us from getting a dog (with nails). Let alone a goat. Maybe a llama is in order, one that could be potty-trained on eurotoilets.
Derek, that alarming red puts me in mind of Don’t Look Now. Yes, I know that was Venice.
Haven’t seen that one. I saw the red and figured easy target, little did I know. Not as bad as our toilet in Nairobi (colonial) that often required *manual* intervention to flush. In addition to the smear to clean. America is blessed with fine toilet design, no doubt about it.
Efficient toilets and central HVAC. That’s us.
Of your Nairobian and Roman toilets: I think it is the half-assed toilet set-ups (INSERT: awkward cough) that are most maddening. Either shit in a hole or a sleek new Kohler. In-between gives you the worst of both worlds.
I think Phil may have mentioned to us that he has had his bathroom renovated. I am wondering about his toilet. The English are not really European, and they are certainly not American. Perhaps Phil’s toilet is a model for us all.
I remember brit loos sucking ass, as well as french toilets. Of course there’s japanese toilets which are taking it to a whole nother level. I think I posted a japanese toilet but too lazy to find it on my blackberry. Italian isps suck ass too.
“Brit loos sucking ass”? Derek! What an image.
Pooping, Japanese-style.
Someone should start a toilet blog kind of like that airplane food blog. I must say shitting in indonesia was pleasantly memorable and all that was were holes in the ground and a bucket of water. Maybe some grippies to not slip.
I have always found leaning slightly forward while squatting to shit into a hole in the ground to be the most satisfying. Of course, you do have to deal with the covering up or packing out, depending on your personal preference and commitment to the planet.
What I’ve always wondered is this: Once you’ve packed it out, then what do you do?
Sheila, that is as god intended. the squatting part.
What I do, depending on environment, is burn the toilet paper in the hole then cover everything up.
man that sounds nasty.
Only to nasty-minded people.
But damn.
Burn your poop. Not burn your poop.
Bag your bananas. Not bag your bananas.
Choices, choices.
oh, just burn your toilet paper.
See, Deron, I’ve done most of my pooping-into-a-hole in desert areas where you’re warned against lighting fires. It’s a conundrum.
I’ve read in a desert shit on a large flat rock and smear the shit so it quickly evaporates and flakes off.
for instance.
Flaming poop! If you can get it to light.
Cindy! See what you are missing in shunning the outdoor life?
smearing shit and burning toilet paper will get her outside for sure.
Deron. We are now back to Derek’s smears. Perhaps he can try this with his Roman toilet.
I prefer pooping in potties.
Toilet paper? Who said anything about toilet paper? That’s what the bucket of water or bidets are for. Speaking of paper, remind me to post something on recycling here, absolutely nothing wasted.
All paper does is smear it to your ass.
But what if you are in the desert and water is at a premium? Water is heavy to carry, and you don’t want to go wasting it on your ass. And the vegetation out there is so rough and prickly. You can’t wipe with it. What is the alternative to paper?
That’s what dogs are for.
Derek, unfortunate lad, wake up and smell the DIVERSITY!
Get someone to twig you to the fact that Europeans, in varying degrees, believe in “examining” the stool in order to deduce certain facts about their well being.
The Germans are the most compulsive about this but it varies across borderlines.
eschatology, I’d like to introduce you to scatology. have you met?
Let’s make a poop together
Let’s make a poop one more time
Let’s make a poop together
Our poops will be entwined
you’re welcome.
That’s the admission I was looking for vanderleun. I’d offer a reBUTTal but none is needed.