July 28, 2010

Dear Clusterflock

I always wanted a gold tooth.

So, when I got a temporary crown put in today by my new dentist, (to replace the awful “permanent” one my old dentist put in, you see) I ask about getting a gold crown. With the old one, I didn’t know how things worked so when they put the awful one in, I didn’t know when to ask about whether I could get a gold one until it was too late.

So, this time I ask. And I’d have to pay $800 extra because my insurance considers it cosmetic. She tells me that it would last longer and that ordinarily they don’t ask if people want gold for their teeth near the front. So, I fume while she matches the shade of porcelain I’m going to end up getting. Am I detecting an ethnic bias in the policies of my dental insurance provider or is this just standard serving up lemon jello and telling me it’s dessert Ticketmaster doublespeak?

comments

  1. Deron Bauman on July 28th, 2010 at 5:29 pm

    Ask Lesko!

    also, I bet people won’t know you well enough to know if you are joshing or not.

  2. Daryl Scroggins on July 28th, 2010 at 5:34 pm

    You ax for a diamond too? You least need some fil-gree.

  3. Aaron Winslow on July 28th, 2010 at 5:35 pm

    I am not joshing. We are not joshing.

  4. Deron Bauman on July 28th, 2010 at 5:43 pm

    you should have given a heads up to see if we could come with the $800.

  5. Aaron Winslow on July 28th, 2010 at 5:58 pm

    You are a giant dickens who’s going to get a hug.

    The thing is, I don’t want them to have $800 for it. They should give it to whoever pays the dingdong premiums and chooses it.

    The next time I need a crown, I’ll get it done in Mexico.

  6. Cindy Scroggins on July 28th, 2010 at 6:00 pm

    Oh, man! I work for a dental college. You ask me in advance, I’d'a hooked you up.

  7. Aaron Winslow on July 28th, 2010 at 6:10 pm

    You’re gonna get hugged, too!

    Or you’re gonna get told you’re gonna get hugged.

    Anyway, shouldn’t they just say they charge $800 because the material is expensive or it doesn’t fit their economic model? Saying it’s cosmetic really infuriates me.

  8. Deron Bauman on July 28th, 2010 at 6:20 pm

    I’ve been trying to write a comment for the past five minutes, but I don’t know how to talk about it.

  9. Daryl Scroggins on July 28th, 2010 at 6:28 pm

    They used to have radioactive teeth, back when workers licked the brushes they used to paint radium onto watch dials.

  10. Aaron Winslow on July 28th, 2010 at 6:29 pm

    You can do it.

  11. Daryl Scroggins on July 28th, 2010 at 6:38 pm

    I knew a man who had gold front teeth and one of them had doors in it that would open on a rose-gold silhouette of Aretha Franklin.

  12. Deron Bauman on July 28th, 2010 at 6:39 pm

    I guess the question I had when you first posted this was is it even possible to talk about this without assuming something meaningless?

  13. Amanda Mae Meyncke on July 28th, 2010 at 6:41 pm

    I didn’t want gold because of how COLD it would feel if something COLD touched it.

  14. Aaron Winslow on July 28th, 2010 at 6:51 pm

    Daryl, that sounds like something I would like a LOT.

    Maefo, when you’re as old as I feel, you avoid all extremes of temperature.

    Dargon, is it possible to talk about anything without assuming something meaningless?

  15. Deron Bauman on July 28th, 2010 at 6:53 pm

    word.

  16. Ann on July 28th, 2010 at 7:35 pm

    I have four gold crowns! They are all in the back though. I think I only paid a bit more than porcelain, but the whole think was so freaking expensive I don’t really remember. I am a crazy tooth grinder and the dentist thought I might break the porcelain ones. Also, I am fabulous.

  17. Cindy Scroggins on July 28th, 2010 at 8:06 pm

    I have searched the web for a link to a wonderful children’s story by James Marshall called “The Tooth” (from the George & Martha series). Alas–I guess I’ll just have to read it to Aaron when he visits. It’s about a hippo, George, who knocks out a front tooth–his favorite tooth–while roller skating. But he goes to the dentist and gets a very nice gold tooth in replacement, so all is well.

    The story contains no information on the cosmetic classification of such a tooth.

    My favorite George & Martha story is the one where George peeks in the window while Martha is having a bath, and she throws the entire bathtub at him. He won’t do that again.

  18. Rick Neece on July 28th, 2010 at 8:31 pm

    I have a tooth guard, I paid $600 for, that exactly fits my teeth. I have to say, it fits like a glove, but I don’t put it in every night because I never know before-hand when the teeth grinding might erupt, when I might need it.

    I had a dream I woke up from yesterday morning, where I was climbing a deep stairwell, (escher-like staircases ever-unending), continually missing the door I was supposed to go through. I found myself needing to backtrack and I’d have to crawl over railings to get back down. Then back up, I’d find the staircase with a railing broken, the staircase flimsy and I’d be reluctant to go up it, but I did go and find myself past the door I needed to go through again. I must have repeated this process a dozen times before I woke up, exhausted.

    I did not have my tooth-guard in. My teeth ached when I woke up. Perhaps I should wear it every night?

  19. Dave Vogt on July 28th, 2010 at 9:15 pm

    Man, fuck Ticketmaster AND dental insurance providers.

    And that noise, man. Fucking FUCK that noise.

  20. Aaron Winslow on August 2nd, 2010 at 2:16 pm

    I had a discussion with my dentist and we came to an understanding that I will have my gold tooth and for no additional charge.

    We are VERY pleased!

  21. Cindy Scroggins on August 2nd, 2010 at 2:30 pm

    Hurray! This is cause for celebration.

    I sent a message to my dentist today that I want him to let me come in and use the suction machine on my ear. He hasn’t gotten back to me yet.

  22. from the comments | clusterflock on August 3rd, 2010 at 9:33 am

    [...] Aaron Winslow: I had a discussion with my dentist and we came to an understanding that I will have my gold tooth and for no additional charge. [...]

Leave a Reply


Ads via The Deck