July 22, 2010
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comments:
- Joel Bernstein: I know right?
- Rick Neece: Being nice is a dainty way to put it.
- Rick Neece: Hey Cristopher? Who cried “uncle” first, at the end of your ten-year stand-off? To quote my...
- Michael Smith: Ours is the kitchen.
- Amy Mabli: That’s what happens when you give the dogs the bed.
- Deron Bauman: Sweet Jesus.
- Michael Smith: Don’t we all.
- Pam: I have a story coming out soon in a ‘little mag’, Chicago Quarterly Review. An old friend recently...
- Pam: And I thought, somedays, that my work was meaningless…
- Pam: I remember Eggleston at the Art Institute in Chicago a couple years ago. He was elegantly dressed in a dark suit...
- Christopher Walken: Hey Clusterflockers, Realize y’all are hurting. I’ve been a really close friend of my...
- Marco: This works pretty well in mobile, more so in iOS
- Michael Smith: It was not the intent of management to imply all sissies are “namby pamby”. Management was...
- Rick Neece: I take umbrage with the term “namby pamby.” Some sissies are fierce.
- Carole Corlew: Shelia. Happy no big deal day. I would start your very own post but this phone is in semi rebellion.
Where’s Daryl?
It’s about time someone had the good sense to combine church with a gameshow.
bus ministry.
I think Daryl is sitting behind the prize wheel. He’s hoping that, when it’s his turn to spin, he gets the eternal salvation he’s been betting on.
brother henry.
“Albert’s [Jewelers]! You and Keith can go buy something for one another!”
Jesus loves a subtle gay joke.
You should start writing that in your performance evaluations, Michael.
I know. I should be working on those right now. But I’m having trouble with the focus.
I could send you the ones I did in April. Cut and paste.
I have the ones I did in March but some people went ahead and did different things.
You mean you think you need to be accurate? That’s cute.
What I think and what my boss thinks are often two different things.
That’s a line from my performance review, I’m sure.
Cindy, will you hire me? I’m willing to work from home.
Sure. Hell, you can have my job. I’m fixin’ to RIF myself.
They should just all wait for god to spin the son of a bitch.
And another thing: Do preachers have to go to some school to learn how to pronounce the vowel O like a dog would? “OweKay, we have th-OW-sands of new members here toDay-ah.”
I would like to slip in and put a few unexpected prizes on the wheel. “And Brother Henry… wins…an around the world with four on the floor!”
Michael, I think you should insert into your performance evaluations phrases from art reviews, such as these from the NYT review of the Marina Abramovic show at MOMA:
long-building energy wave of performance artwork
one of the field’s most visible and magnetic figures
combination of stressed-out flesh in documentary films and live bodies
pretty radical fare for this institution
. . . like a dog would
I’m snorting again.
It’s no “The Price is Right.”
It’s no “Let’s Make a Deal.”
Like this, “Sheila’s long-building energy wave of commitment to the team goals has led to one of the field’s most visible and magnetic quarters and is pretty radical fare for this institution.”
It’s no “Match Game”
It’s no “Truth or Consequences.”
Beelzebub, Come on Down!
Queen for a day. “Well, I think I deserve to win because I prayed hard on getting a new washer and dryer just like those because I have to clean my sick babies up so much my hands are like to become cordaroy.”
Exactly like that, Michael!
(When you’re done with your evaluations, will you write a LinkedIn recommendation for me? It’s okay to go with what you wrote just now.)
Not only it is no “Match Game” nor “Truth or Consequences,” it’s no “Queen for a Day.”
Daryl and I had “Queen for a Day” on the brain at the very same instant almost.
See, if it were literary reviews you would have to work in phrases like “incandescent language” and “hallucinatory imagination.”
Actually, I think “Queen for a Day” might be the perfect model for a Christian game show. Trying to outdo one another with tales of misery in the hope of being crowned with a tiara.
“Beelzebub’s performance in the first half of the year has been a combination of stressed-out flesh and live bodies.”
And if you were reviewing works of nonfiction, you’d want to use magisterial in your highest evaluations.
“The pastor’s Bob Barker impersonation was like no energy performance artwork. He managed to transform one of the field’s most visible and magnetic figures into a poorly trained documentary film voice-over artist.”
Mr. Smith, may I see you in my office?
A splendid evocation of magisterial observations summoned by a hallucinatory imagination cast in the incandescent language and bent on a radical re-invention of the standards that have been shattered and formed anew in one brilliant stroke of God-fired poetic fury!
It’s part of God’s plan that I won the Olive Garten coupons.
Olive Garten.
yes I knew you would understand
oui