August 17, 2010
Ask a law librarian
Man pushing baby carriage: “Downstairs they said I need something here” [points to blank header space above the title of his own motion for enforcement].
Librarian: “Yeah. What’s your question?”
Breeder: “Well why did that lady not tell me when I was here before?”
Librarian: “I dunno. I wudn’t here.”
Breeder: “Y’all should tell people that before they type it.”
Librarian: “I do.”
Breeder: “Well why didn’t that lady before tell me the first time?”
Librarian: “I dunno. I wudn’t here.”
Breeder [irritation growing at Librarian’s refusal to accept blame]: “Where does it say what I’m supposed to type on the top?!”
Librarian: “It doesn’t. The caption is your own caption from your previous court orders. You are representing yourself, so it’s still your responsibility. Where’s your court orders?”
Breeder: “What court orders?”
Librarian: “The ones you’re tryin’ t’enforce.”
Breeder: “At home.”
Librarian: “All you gotta do is copy that same caption onto the motion to enforce and the order to enforce.”
Breeder [still unsatisfied]: “Where on the original y’all gave me to type does it say that?! It doesn’t say that! Show me where it says that!”
Librarian [abruptly switching from deadpan to don’t-fuck-with-me]: “Well now let’s see about that!”
Breeder continues to complain while Librarian looks in the forms drawer, produces paper, and then states while brandishing pointing finger and whacking paper: “CAPTION!”
Breeder: “What?”
Librarian [same aggressive movement]: “There it is. Caption.”
Breeder: “What about the order?”
Librarian [exactly the same]: “Caption.”
Breeder walks away mumbling.
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I really love the switch from “Man pushing baby carriage” to “Breeder”.
I like the switch from deadpan mien to don’t-fuck-with-me.
Perhaps I should have titled this one Don’t Ask the Law Librarian.
These always make my heart race with excitement!