September 8, 2010
tornado alert
We’ve got a tornado a couple miles from us (moving away from our part of town, it looks like).
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comments:
- Joel Bernstein: For the record, if you pay to see this, you are no longer my friend.
- Deron Bauman: Meow.
- Joel Bernstein: This must be why I fuck so many cats.
- Michael Smith: Seems to me the experiment almost does itself.
- Casey Cichowicz: No. It is not possible. I can assure you.
- Joel Bernstein: Luca Brasi sleeps with the fishes?
- LaurenH: I’m with those who say get that girl out of that household. The father has now very effectively...
- Rick Neece: Holee sh..!
- Rick Neece: Asian calligraphy, ‘cept instead of a brush, hot glass. The image of her controlling the glass and...
- Rick Neece: For the gull-wing, I’m sure it would knock me in the chin every time I opened it.
- Marco: Oh god yes.
- Rick Neece: Chuck, testes, testes, One-Two-Three. I can hear you breathing. (TAP,TAP,TAP) “Is this thing...
- Joel Bernstein: Chuck Testa
- Rick Neece: I know the Jag has gone through changes since Ford owns the company. It makes me a little sad for the...
- Michael Smith: WRONG, I’m anime FREAK.
I’m glad y’all are okay. I just heard that it’s headed towards GW Bush’s neighborhood!
W gon’ be singing “Lord, I’ve Been Changed”.
I heard it touched down near Jefferson and Davis, which doesn’t make perfect sense since they are parallel to each other. When I turned on the tv, it was just north of 30 near the post office.
to clarify, they said ‘at’ Jefferson and Davis.
Jeez, Deron. That’s really close to the taqueria at the Valero, to say nothing of you and Any and Jasper and Douglas and Franklin.
I mean “just north of 30 near the post office” is near the taqueria. And y’all.
As is ‘at’ Jefferson and Davis.
dear Lord and Savior baby Jesus let the taqueria be safe.
I’m thinking up some heathen prayer real quick and translating into Spanish. ¡Dios mio, man! The taqueria must be spared.
Okay, WFAA says the warning has expired. Exhale.
I hear the whole thing is headed our way, though it has a few miles to climb before it’s upon us. It’ll peter out a bit before it gets here. They’re talking an inch of rain tomorrow. Keep your heads low, I haven’t looked to the radar on the weather channel yet. Is it nearly past you now?
I confess to being tickled by this from a Dallas tweeter: “I’m at the Galleria, and they’re making everyone go camp out in the basement and wait for the tornado to pass.”
yeah, it seems to have passed out of Dallas proper.
I got really irritated at those blaring tornado sirens. They messed with my mellow.
assholes.
Glad to hear that, Deron. I really don’t care about Garland.
it seems to have stayed west, industrial area.
Oh, we don’t care about that. That’s Crips and Bloods territory.
sonic boom.
there’s a great guy being interviewed right now with the best 95% Texan 5% Hispanic accent I have ever heard. the Texan part seems almost to be exaggerated in perhaps a subconscious attempt at hiding the Hispanic. regardless, he just said, I told my girlfriend to get in the shahr.
Shit, I’m just watching WFAA coverage from a while ago. I did like it when the ‘man on the ground’ said, “Transformer fire!”
And everyone seems to be enamored of the phrase ‘multiple vortices’.
it’s the little things.
Perhaps not surprisingly, my favorite accent in the entire world is Tex-Mexican.
did you hear this guy? he was fantastic.
I didn’t hear him, but I’ve got a feeling I know him.
you do, but the accent (the Texan part) was even stronger than you can imagine, but natural, mostly. it was beautiful.
His name’s Hor-Hay.
tell me what you thought he looked like.
Pock-marked face. Dark skin. Baseball cap.
Round face.
Kinda long hair.
Gets donuts every Tuesday and Thursday.
pretty good. probably 45. longish hair in a ponytail. definitely round face. streaks of gray. good skin, though. probably a floor or tile guy. you could picture him wearing the knee pads. he said he was blest. also, his ’71 Camaro was spared.
Praise Hay-Seuss.
The skin disappoints me. I like the pock marks.
the voice will make up for it.
Yea, verily.
Oh, man! The guy his gazebo was, like, smashed, but his ‘Vette survived?
wait, was it a ‘Vette? cause I just saw a smashed one.
I fucking hate gazebos.
I’m starting to think maybe I am responsible for this tornado.
See, this is so cool ’cause I’ve got separate reports from Deron and from Amy. Now I’m gonna phone my friend Steve.
Amy said it was a ’71 ‘Vette.
Cindy, you watch out now. That might just be hubris.
Even if it was a Vette, it was a Camaro.
exactly.
2010 Hyundai Hubris.
smashed all to hell.
Hyundai Hubris gon’ have trouble powering out of the path of a twister.
I just told my girlfriend get in the shahr.
Shoulda bought American.
This is just a whole heap of excitement.
I’m still mad about the sirens.
Trinity’s going to crest at 42 feet tomorrow.
Texas Flood.
asshole river
foot a rain.
looked like it just had some debris on it. not smashed. I refuse to believe the Vette is smashed.
are we sure that was Hor-Hay’s ‘Vette? I was sure he said Camaro.
Stupid rain. Stupid river.
someone had to say it.
it’s Oklahoma’s problem now.
Oooooo-kla-homa!
Hor-Hay wouldn’t have a Vette. Would someone please get to the bottom of this Vette-Camaro situation and get back to me? Gracias.
Hay una situación con mi Camaro.
well, it was a ‘Vette, but it needed to be a Camaro, goddammit.
That’s the want-need vortex, Deron.
I feel violated.
Randy Taylor.
No importe nada, Cindy. Chinga los birds.
Okay, then.
Okay, here’s a swerve: I loved it when the News 8 weather guy went to “Bob” in the helicopter trailing the tornado, and after a bit of silence he said we seem to have lost Bob. That there was great TV.
The out-of-our-hands poignancy of the thing, given a telecommunicationary spin.
Bob.
I just talked to my mom. She said she thought the title of this was “tomato alert.” She read through all the comments trying to figure out why nobody was talking about tomatoes.
Hi mom!
a giant tomato touched down this afternoon near downtown Dallas. I told my girlfriend to get in the shahr.
Thanks, Deron. I’m glad the tomato missed you guys.
Also, my mom said, “did you hear there was a tornado in Dallas?”
“yeah, I haven’t had a chance to check in at clusterflock to see how they all are.”
“ask me how I knew?”
That’s when I learned she needed new contacts.
Tomato done moved away. Taqueria at the gas station safe.
Hi Mike…I am so embarrassed.
Not really…it still sort of looks like tomato if you look quickly and we don’t have tornados in California.
Deron, I really need a couple of those bistec tacos with the cilantro and onion and that fuck-me-don’t-stop green sauce. Need them real bad.
Oh, dang. Michael? Did I just embarrass you?
Oh. Suzette? Did Michael embarrass you? I haven’t met him yet, but I can imagine he might be a trial.
We cut him a lot of slack.
Just like me, always turn up after the damn party is over! Still, it woke me up and I’m glad you are all safe.
Rick, keep your head down!
I missed all the excitement too. Shelia, you could have used a version of the following prayer for your little taqueria and other things.
My son’s friend, Jake, refused to pay attention in Spanish class, hated it, kept getting in trouble. They were in third grade when my son, Mr. Practical, said, “So Jake, if you’re on an island and everybody speaks Spanish and you need something, what will you do?” Jake said, “I’ll just go up to them and say, ‘Hey, el help me out.’”
Actually it was fourth grade. You know those fourth graders.
Carole, I’m in love with your son.
A librarian who used to work for me told me she knew all the Spanish she needed to know: “Hot plate.”
Sheila, don’t worry about embarrassing us. My mom sent me an email last night that had a link and said something like, “so you don’t have to google ‘clean your balls.’”
Does anybody know how many tomatoes were hurt in the tornado?
We don’t believe in statistics in Texas.
I’m asking because the cool summer has lead to a northern California tomato shortage (I’m speaking only of backyard gardeners – or real tomatoes – we can still find plenty of those hothouse flavorless things).
Also, the evidence of the tomato shortage is all anecdotal and not based at all in statistics.
Oh, in that case–17 tomatoes were damaged.
Cindy, I enrolled my son in Spanish at age 3 (it was an “elective” at his preschool). And he has taken it in school every year since. He’s 16 and still claims, “I don’t speak Spanish.”
But if you are paying attention, sometimes you can hear him singing in Spanish. He doesn’t know he’s doing it. And that is exactly what I was hoping for.
I love him even more for that.
Cindy, years ago my friend Ed Lowry (who grew up in Dallas, for all love) got confused by the waiter in a Tex-Mex restaurant.
” ‘Hecho ti’?” Ed claimed he wondered. ” ‘Hecho ti’: Made . . . made . . . they MADE this in the KITCHEN?”
Till he realized.
“H-O-T.”
Spew.
I found that Greek works quite well in Mexican restaurants in Dallas!
And your accent is always an asset in the States, Phil, whether you’re speaking English or Greek.
Yesterday I found out that it’s not just the Js that are H-sounds, but also the Gs! Cindy, how do you spell Angel?
Also, my brother-in-law is a Hor-Hay. Good stuff.