November 21, 2010
Sex and Asperger’s
We had sex two times in six years after we had a kid. And I got pregnant both times because I have studied my ovulation since I was 24, and I’m an ace at sticking my finger up my vagina and 1) gauging how open my cervix is and 2) pulling out some mucus on my finger and checking to see how elastic it is.
Even now I can’t help getting excited about ovulation. Go to the bathroom right now and check your cervical mucus. It’s fascinating. If it’s elastic you are ovulating. I can peg my ovulation to the hour if I check every half-hour, which I can do because I can stick my hand in my vagina anywhere—even in a job interview, if the person leaves the room to get some water. So that’s why I was able to have a kid (and a miscarriage) only having sex two times.
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holy.
that is oddly very moving.
It feels like the magnification of all the problems normal people can have with sex.
The use of normal people in that comment doesn’t feel right – people without Asperger’s.
I was going to say “normal people”.
I ain’t met one yet.
Does she offer this as a service? I mean, she could work from home or out of the car.
She could also offer it up as some kind of freestyle cosmic contraception.
yes, oddly very moving.
I will have to read this, I reckon. The thought of fucking only twice in six years makes my head spin a 360.
“If you can start by pretending it feels right, eventually it will feel right.” This has wide application.
pegging it. sorry
“. . .I can stick my hand in my vagina anywhere—even in a job interview, if the person leaves the room to get some water.”
Shit.
So I should’ve waited ’til they left the room?
I hate job interviews. Fucking mine field.
Kathy, I thank my lucky stars on a daily basis that I’m not a girl. I feel sure I’d be poking my fingers in my vagina at the most inappropriate of moments. I’m at my best when not working with orifices, keep it all above ground I say.
“I’m a girl, I’m a girl, I wish I were dead.” (Jack Lemmon in drag in Some Like It Hot.)
I’m seeing Phil in the Lemmon role in a clusterflock remake. Who to cast in the Tony Curtis part?
Me! Me! Let me be Tony Curtis!
The Tony Curtis!
Okay. Phil gets the Jack Lemmon role. Rick is Tony Curtis. I want the George Raft walk-on (Spats Colombo). Who will have Marilyn’s role? And who is our Joe E. Brown?
(I actually think this would be great. A clusterflock remake of “Some Like It Hot.”)
Mary Jeys as Osgood Fielding III (Joe E. Brown).
“Sometimes I like oysters and clams”…ooo, wait. Wrong movie. Wrong scene.