November 11, 2010
the piglet bank
Mary Jeys sent this one over to me.
Designed for anyone who has far too much money and loose change, this is the piggy bank of all piggy banks. Its a real piglet that has been taxidermied and inserted with what all piglets probably dream of as babies, a coin storage unit and a cork plug. Make your plush overpriced apartment complete with this little guy.
The piglet bank will take up to 12 months to produce from the time of order. We expect half the money up front and half when the piglet had been completed. Just so you know that we don’t actually kill the Piglets, they die of natural causes and these are the ones that we use.
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oh yes.
That has my name written all over it.
What shall we name our piglet bank?
Pumpkin?
I was thinking Liam, perhaps. Or Rosie. But I’m not sure I’ll get one–the four grand doesn’t include shipping.
Mo.
I love it. I’m getting to be the repetitious old auntie of clusterflock. Here, dears — “Piggy Bank Love.” Once again.
Waiting for piglets to die naturally isn’t much of a business model. What are the natural causes of piglet death, anyway? Flu? Heart attack? Cancer? I don’t want my substantial fortune (minus 4K) in the belly of a diseased piglet. But if I did, I would name it Yvonne.
Ummmnh, the natural causes of piglet death are pork? And pork? Also, pork?
Yeah, “they die of natural causes” kind of baffled me, too.
Piglets. Piglet crib death.
I really don’t want to know where they put the cork…
I saw a real, live dead piglet once, on my uncle’s pig farm. It’s sow-mom had rolled over on top of it unbeknownst to her. That sounds like nat’ral causes to me. Though that pig, in memory, didn’t look like this, it was a bit more two-dimensional. Squarshed, as it were. Though a skilled taxidermist might, might have been able to reinflate it to look like a reasonable facsimile.
Had that been done/possible and were I able to take it home, I would have named it Cash.
I’m not sure my best position for this is past-tense. I’ll have to think about it…If I had it now, I would name it Cash. Whatever I might have named it back then.
Well let’s see. Thinking like a farmer here. The pig will be “used” eventually anyway, right? Bacon, good ole pulled pork, pork rinds (ha ha). That doesn’t bother the people chowing down on the former little piglet. Litters are big and deaths are fairly common, crushing and being stepped on plus just being a weak piglet and unable to latch on and environmental factors. Somebody here is thinking not only “recyle” but “capitalize” on the inevitable losses.
BTW, no way would I want one of these. They are macabre.
Maurice.
The causes of natural piglet death are as varied as they are gruesome, but most of them are variations on “crushed” or “dehydration.”
I guess that’s not as varied as I originally imagined.
Okay, I don’t want one anymore, I guess.
Don’t give up on your dreams.
The varied causes of piglet death leave me feeling very sad.
Dave made me sad.
Dave.
I’m sorry.
It’s okay, Dave. Nature’s not your fault.
It is sad. But I remember seeing the huge mothers flopping around and thinking “how in the world do any of the baby pigs survive.” Then there was hog slaughter day on the farm. You don’t want to go there, in any form or fashion.
I wonder whether the term “squealing” is used with hogs to put it at a remove. But I remember fire, vats of boiling water, ropes and knives and yes, those animals were screaming.
I have never been able to separate the harsh lives and deaths of food animals from the delicious meals they become. It isn’t death that bothers me, or the inherent violence in nature. It’s unnecessary human indifference and cruelty that I can’t abide.
Word.