February 23, 2011
Hello, Gumbo?
Whole Foods–after work rush for prepared foods. Guy in a suit trying to talk on his phone and dip–dropped his phone in the seafood soup. Got it out with the ladle.
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comments:
- Sheila Ryan: Nice selection from Robin Gibb’s heyday as lead singer from Bill Crandall in Rolling Stone.
- Casey Cichowicz: And health, wealth, and happiness to those that eat them.
- Sheila Ryan: Eggs.
- Erica: Perhaps we can pick up John Waters.
- Josh Weichhand: Ugh… Yes, to all of the above. Miss you guys. Miss the time I was able to spend here. I miss...
- Sheila Ryan: In the back of my Honda Element, the moveable roadside attraction.
- Sheila Ryan: You are very good. Pray continue in this vein.
- Cooper: You are both very kind. Thank you.
- Erica Braverman: Where’s the world’s largest fork and stack of bacon?
- Casey Cichowicz: Also, I think the new Here We Go Magic album is quite good.
- Sheila Ryan: Also, it is a wonderful story, and I really want to believe it was not a contrived stunt. Damn. I want...
- Joel Bernstein: It was mostly for you.
- Sheila Ryan: Well, you just know I love that, Joel.
- Michael Grant Smith: Cooper’s entire collection of short-short stories in JMWW is a lesson of how to write...
- Sheila Ryan: It’s all in the attitude you take toward non-anecdotes — such as my not having seen the...
Can you hear me now?
Seafood Gumbo is perhaps what his brain looks like: “… the study, published Wednesday in The Journal of the American Medical Association, is among the first and largest to document that the weak radio-frequency signals from cellphones have the potential to alter brain activity.”
Multitasking isn’t always a good thing.
You probably don’t want to know this, but I have worked at Whole Foods for over four months and never eaten anything sitting out as an unattended sample or even a morsel from the hot/cold bar. It started as a way to stick to the lunches and dinners I packed for myself but it’s become entirely wrapped around the idea that there are people my coworkers cannot defend us from. The Man Who Sipped From the Soup Ladle. The Woman Who Licked the Cheese Sample Knife. The Street Kid Who Stole Handfuls of Tabbouleh. The Loony Who Grabbed a Fork and Ate Right Out of the Indian Bar. There are things you just can’t unsee.
knowledge, disillusionment, truth, we might as well know.
Kelsey, thank you, you have validated all my fears of unattended samples and self-serve food bars.
I will continue to avoid these things.
The way I see it, if you let yourself start down the road of worrying about unattended samples, you’ll soon start worrying about all prepared foods (in restaurants or otherwise), and eventually you’ll end up eating only beets out of your own garden. There are germs everywhere. I say, steel yourself and eat them.
Honey Badger doesn’t give a shit.
Cindy, or all tan foods.
Cindy, I know what you mean but, as illogical as it is, my mind has a clear delineation between people who are paid to touch my food and those that are not (and I’ve heard stories from people in the food service industry). It’s a mental thing. It’s a little like my hesitation to eat even moderately imperfect fruits and vegetables at my house when I know that the stuff people serve in restaurants is probably in much worse condition and I never think twice.
When it comes to food, I’m like Honey Badger. I’m nasty.
Which could make it tough getting a license for that food truck I’ve been thinking about.
Deron, exactly. Don’t think about it, don’t think about it, don’t think about it–FUCK.
Michael, would you pay me to touch your food?
Probably not after what I just said about being nasty.
Dang.
I really like the idea of being paid to touch food.
This morning’s breakfast at my house: Left-over soup that had been sitting on the counter all night. No phone in the soup, though.
In Delhi I ate nasty street food & Jess had to eat food from the hotel (for her conference). Who do you think came home sick? Honey Badger eats raw cobra, he doesn’t fucking care.
I think the honey badger needs to be named the official clusterflock mascot.
When my rogue food truck is up and running, it’s going to be named something that includes “Honey Badger.” Or maybe I will name one of my specialties after Honey Badger.
Should we offer a non-nasty mascot option for flockers who aren’t nasty?
I thought the goat was the official mascot? The Tennessee Fainting Goat?
Goats & Honey Badgers are both at the top of their game, optimized for survival by being willing to eat anything. Things is Honey Badgers have to be nasty assholes about it.
Hm. Perhaps the goat is the official animal and the honey badger is the official mascot. Or vice-versa. Donkeys need to be in there somewhere, too. Dang, clusterflock is complicated.
Donkeys, goats, honey badgers. How do we sort this?
I think donkeys were first, donkey fuckers.
Yes, donkeys have held our affection the longest. Because of donkey fuckers. But, you know, we mustn’t be forever tied to tradition. We need to make way for the new. I’m not sure that any of us even thought about honey badgers when we designated donkeys and goats as official clusterflock animals.
I’m gonna tell you up front, I don’t have the right tools to fix this one. And even if I had the right tools, I can’t promise you that I could fix a problem like this.
No. This is good.
Wow. I drive to work, look at Cluster about an hour later, and a copia of delight has appeared. I love us.
Don’t forget the starlings. And the sea monkeys. And death spiral ants. And I’ve been meaning to throw the platypus into the mix: «Platypuses have almost 40,000 electrical sensors distributed in longitudinal stripes over both surfaces of the bill. As the platypunculus shows, a large portion of the brain is given over to processing the data from these 40,000 sensors. In addition to the 40,000 electrical sensors, there are about 60,000 mechanical sensors called push rods, scattered over the surface of the bill. [ ...] Both kinds of [corresponding brain] cell occupy their correct position on the spatial map of the bill, and they are layered in a way that is reminiscent of the human visual brain, where layering assists binocular vision.»—Richard Dawkins (from rendezvous #15 with the monotremes in The Ancestor’s Tale). Those are some serious stats to contend with.
I like including a monotreme among our totemic animals.
A venomous, duck-billed, beaver-tailed, otter-footed monotreme.
Speaking of monotremes, we mustn’t forget the star-nosed shrew, which I believe has come up here. Nothing is more obscene.
I’m a might partial to the Pink Fairy Armadillo, myself.
Star-nosed shrew is nasty. Found one (live) in my bed once. Under the covers. Courtesy of my cat.
Can we have a whole inappropriately-anthropomorphized pantheon of mascot/gods? Maybe a guy that just has platypus hands and feet, and we call him “Platypus” because it already sounds vaguely Latin.
Humantauria?
Deron beat me to it.
That Deron is quick on the draw and no mistake.
Or for everyone that’s read my Marsupial, there’s the half platypus, half angler/monk fish (with a marsupial pouch).