April 28, 2011

I’d buy that app.

Fuck it I’ve heard enough, I’m going to make some killer android app that listens to every word you hear and uses Google’s voice recognition shit and some semantic networks and logistic regression crap and fucking starts chirping at you whenever it detects someone is hitting on you, make it look like an incoming call from captain obvious or something. It make take a while to accumulate enough training data to detect every subtle hint but it should pick this one up pretty easily. #

One of the 5,661 comments on From Male Redditors: What are some hints females gave you, but you didn’t get them until after you had your chance?

My most pathetic example:

In college, been hanging out with a guy at a party. When it’s time to go home, he walks me back to my dorm. We’re still talking when we get there, so he walks me upstairs. I’m thinking it’s a little weird, but whatever. He follows me into my room; we’re still talking. Asks, “Hey, are those glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling?”
“Cool! Can I turn out the lights, so I can see them?”

I swear to god, I had
he was flirting with me until he kissed me.


  1. Andrew Simone on April 28th, 2011 at 5:00 pm

    Story of my life.

  2. Joel Bernstein on April 28th, 2011 at 5:07 pm

    I would just assume guys you meet are flirting with you, unless you have a good reason to think they aren’t.

  3. India on April 29th, 2011 at 12:37 am

    I can think of a bunch of good reasons why they wouldn’t be.

  4. Christopher Walken on April 29th, 2011 at 9:47 pm

    I love how this is filed under sisyphean.

  5. Renee on April 29th, 2011 at 11:10 pm

    I had a habit of liking a few awkward men in my youth. I could never tell what they wanted. It turns out they weren’t all that awkward, just pretty disinterested. Chalk it up to experience. I wouldn’t give any of them the time of day if I were to meet them now. It turns out I like humble, yet suave, and playful men much better. Unfortunately, these ones are the hardest to read.

  6. Renee on April 30th, 2011 at 12:04 am

    “I wonder if to women, who seem to live in a world of subtlety and nuance, we men just look like great big oblivious walking bricks. We are astoundingly literal creatures.”

    That’s why we love you.