May 19, 2011
How it’s going to work on May 21
. . . when we get to May 21 on the calendar in any city or country in the world, and the clock says about — this is based on other verses in the Bible — when the clock says about 6 p.m., there’s going to be this tremendous earthquake that’s going to make the last earthquake in Japan seem like nothing in comparison. And the whole world will be alerted that Judgment Day has begun. And then it will follow the sun around for 24 hours. As each area of the world gets to that point of 6 p.m. on May 21, then it will happen there, and until it happens, the rest of the world will be standing far off and witnessing the horrible thing that is happening.
From a New York conversation with Harold Camping, Judgment Day prophet.
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Thanks.
Wonder if you could outsmart the Lord by positioning yourself on the International Date Line.
I think it’s a lot easier than that to outsmart the Lord.
I guess it’ll hit Phil first. The Californians and Oregonians last.
I am wondering whether the End of the World applies to Canada.
Good point, Deron. I’ve been outsmarting the Lord pretty much all my life.
Can you make sure to live tweet it for us out here on the west coast?
We should definitely live tweet or live blog it.
My prediction is that Harold Camping is going to have a stroke on May 21st.
I’ll post TwitPics of the Driftless Regional apocalypse.
I’m now picturing the rumble and split of the earth’s crust making its way around the planet like a spray tan circling an alcoholic’s belly.
Let’s live blog it, please. It might require a lot of words.
How should we do that? An open thread based on comments?
What time does Dick Clark’s Rapture Rockin’ Eve with Ryan Seacrest start?
Thank you.
I’ll have to pray on how best to approach it. I just didn’t want it to be tweeted because, you know, we’d be constrained in how many times we could say shitbag and cocksucker in a single post. Too many characters or some such something or other.
I want to see balls drop. I’ll make martinis.
Cindy, let me know when the Lord delivers the technical requirements to you, and then, you know, like, we’ll take it from there.
Is it really gonna get me first? I don’t even have a plan.
Okay, Deron. I’m thinking we’re not the only ones who’ll need to cover this, so maybe there’s a press packet or something that He’ll send down. I’ll honk when I’ve got it.
Phil, let us know when it happens, okay?
Post some Iphone images, Phil, so we’ll know what to expect once the apocalypse crosses the Atlantic.
Deron, can we use your press pass?
Or you can just make your own. About halfway through this talk on journalism, Robert Krulwich gives some excellent advice on press pass forgery. Apparently it involves lots of lamination.
Just wondering re 6pm on 5/21…
Standard or Daylight Savings Time?
And what was the equivalent of GMT at the time of the writing of The Bible?
I just want to make sure that when I go looting, no one will be home.
At what time, do you think, will all those people with no jobs, no savings and no food in the fridge realize May 22 is going to be pretty shitty.
I’m going to be in a plane, flying west. Will the pilot be able to outrun the apocalypse if he can fly across time zones in less than an hour?
What will happen when we reach the International Date Line over the Pacific?
Will we have enough fuel?
Yes.
Instant rapture.
Depends on where you’re flying from.
Instant rapture’s gonna get you,
Gonna knock you right on the head,
You better get yourself together,
Pretty soon you’re gonna be dead,
What in the world you thinking of,
Laughing in the face of love,
What on earth you tryin’ to do,
It’s up to you, yeah you.
Frank, don’t waste your time on post-Rapture looting parties. You really don’t want any of those Thomas Kinkade tchotchkes that the Raptured will leave behind.
Rapture, be pure
Take a tour, through the sewer
Don’t strain your brain, paint a train
You’ll be singin’ in the rain
I said don’t stop, do punk rock
I’m gonna rapture myself to Jesus
Gonna spend all of time in His Love
Gonna rapture myself to Jesus
Y’all just look up–
That’s me, there above.
which way will it come, east or west? Knowing my luck I’d have my back to it!
Phil, you’re in for some trouble, son.
Yeah, Phil, I think it starts at the International Date Line and moves west. Anyway, 6:00 PM your time on Saturday, all hell will break loose. So to speak.
Don’t forget to write.
And send photos.
I’m thinking there’ll be devastation and destruction in the West Country but no Rapturing. An English Rapture just don’t compute. Y’all will just get blasted by the Lord and start reading the fine print in your home insurance policies.
I have someone checking towards the east for me, but, it may come from the south. The lord moves in mysterious ways, but, not mysterious enough to come form the north I’m figuring!
Okay, so I just realized that my first flight home tomorrow takes off at 2:30pm and lands in Philly at 7pm. I’m going to miss the whole thing! And I love a good earthquake.
Kelsey, you may get to witness it twice if the timing is right!
I really wanted to write a story about this for all of us but I’m too tired and sposta be doing my final.
It’s well past 6:00 PM in some parts of the world. Could we get a check-in from, I don’t know, New Zealand or something?
Michael, I think the Internet goes down with the Rapture.
I said Goes Down. Hehe.
Zombies & no Internet!?!
Skype was just now saying that I was offline when in fact I was online, so I suspect something is up. This is how it begins.
There’s an apocalyptic triathlon underway just outside my door. The downhill cycling looks like a lot of fun. The uphill running, not so much.
Europeans are all still there, apparently. I’m thinking Daylight Saving Time has fucked up the Rapture schedule.
Or they could all be heathens. There’s just too much to consider.
I did notice that the BBC is still up and running, so I’m thinking England hasn’t been consumed by mighty fires and flooding. Although it could be that stiff upper lip mentality. What’s the Apocalypse after the Blitz? That sort of thing.
Carry on.
Love this from friend Jen.
I notice we haven’t heard from Phil. You think that means something?
Probably means it’s after 6:00 PM in England, and he’s enjoying a martini.
I stood in a hole that I spent all day digging with a gin at 6pm.
I looked east and west, nothing! I’m figuring that I may fill it in tomorrow.
Sounds as though it’s safe to fill in that hole.
Hole.
It’s official. It’s from the BBC.
The Rapture happened. Mid-air.
Is that code for something?
It came in the form of my North Philly seatmates waiting until 6pm, exactly one hour before landing, and continuing the originally rebuffed pleasantries from the beginning of the flight. It climaxed at the moment I was made to explain seitan, as in the San Francisco-based undertaking of seitan cheesesteaks, and listen to the heresy of the initiative. All the while one of the two kept retrieving her pink sequined purse from the footwell to unwrap one Reese’s peanut butter cup at a time, struggling not to expose any part of her mini-skirted self hidden beneath a thick, neon pink blanket. Her mate talked for the entire flight. Often to others, sometimes to seemingly no one at all, and finally to me. Only to me.
That sounds like Hell, rather than.
I thought that was the point? Heathens punished, promised ones saved from it.
I thought it just meant all the idiots disappeared.
Our rapture-time conversation:
Cindy: “Why would a man go a chick movie by himself?”
Daryl: “Chicks.”
Cindy: “Oh, yeah.”