July | 2011 | clusterflock

things I heard last week

And the steward said, I need to wake you up, you’re making my back hurt

Electric, can we get power to video village? Thank you.

Let me get you a list of things I do not like

Lime juice, Robituson, and Dayquil, all in equal parts

I’m so glad I’m 21, I can rent a box truck

Apparently I’m not a juice connoisseur

Give us a cigar, Castro

If you can see camera, it can see you

The business world has moved from handshakes to high-fives

Lettuce is hard

Broken pretty dishes you can always make into something pretty, you know?

So, we’re taking it from I don’t know why I lie so much

So we’re just going to follow the bird as it gets whispered down the line

I only like watermelon a little bit

This’ll take us out to the road where we were

Everything I do is an expression of my creativity

July 3, 2011 | Filed Under found, language | posted by Deron Bauman | 13 Comments

Dear Clusterflock

Which three people from the wide world, living or dead, would you name as collectively representing your hopeful view of yourself?

I haven’t settled on my three yet, but I have three I would apply to Cindy: Gertrude Stein, Frida Kahlo, and Joseph Cornell.

July 2, 2011 | Filed Under dear clusterflock | posted by Daryl Scroggins | 14 Comments

I woke up screaming this week. A bad dream, said the Iowan. Eventually I went back to sleep, but the rest of the night was uneasy. The next night at dinner, he asked me about it, but I said I could not remember what was going on with me. Sleep walking and talking is not unusual in my family. Mr. B. will “speak in tongues” in the night, the Iowan says. But I quieted down long ago. And had not screamed in my sleep in decades.

Until just after midnight on June 29, 2011. The truth is I did have a vague notion about it all day. I didn’t really want to talk about it. Until I did. “Maybe it was because this was the day daddy died, 20 years ago.” I was born on Father’s Day. I had his black, curly hair. His laugh. His way of never meeting a stranger.

And on June 29, 1991, he shook hands with a friend after a session at the coffee shop, then ran straight into the path of a car. Did not walk. He ran.

Distressing thoughts, emotions, shock, these things can be tidied up and put away, but only for so long. The old mantle clock’s single peal at a quarter after midnight was all it took to crack open the mind’s thin colluding door. And out it came, a long, ear-splitting, scream. I imagine it sounded like loss.

Finally.

July 2, 2011 | Filed Under consciousness, death, dreams, family, memory, metaphysics | posted by Carole Corlew | 5 Comments

“Oh, go fuck yourself”

That such brutal language as “You cock-sucking son of a bitch!” “You prick-eating bastard!” “You cunt-lapping dog!” “Kiss my ass, you son of a bitch!” “A dog must have fucked your mother when she made you!” “I fucked your mother, you sister, your wife!” “I’ll make you suck my ass!” “You cock-sucker!” and many other revolting terms are used by a limited number of players to intimidate umpires and opposing players, and are promiscuously used upon the ball field, is vouched for by the almost unanimous assertion of those invited to speak, and who are competent to speak from personal knowledge. Whether it be the language quoted above, or some other indecent and infamous invention of depravity, the League is pledged to remove it from the ball field, whether it necessitates the removal of the offender for a day or for all time. Any indecent or obscene word, sentence, or expression, unfit for print or the human ear, whether mentioned in these instructions or not, is contemplated under the law and within its intent and meaning, and will be dealt with without fear or favor when the fact is established by conclusive proof.

This may or may not be an actual memo sent to Major League Baseball players in 1898 as part of a campaign to eradicate foul language from the game, but who gives a fuck, you worthless ball licker?

(via the browser)

July 2, 2011 | Filed Under assholes, balls, boners, calm the fuck down, cunt, etiquette, euphemisms, fuck all y'all, games, language, piss, poop, pork, public policy, randy taylor, smells, sports | posted by Deron Bauman | 5 Comments

日清食品 CUP NOODLE MISO (James Brown)

Good god, y’all!

(Gracias a Ju Ju Pongo.)

July 1, 2011 | Filed Under celebrity, commercials, dance, food, international, music, pop culture, products, sexuality, television | posted by Sheila Ryan | 5 Comments

For the observant and devoted.

Seeing Tabloid in a few days, and interviewing Morris in person, most likely. Jinxing it by saying this I’m sure, but any questions?

July 1, 2011 | Filed Under anecdotes, awesome | posted by Amanda Mae Meyncke | 21 Comments

on attribution and credit

Regardless of context, John Gruber speaks the truth:

Why do we put bylines on stories in the first place? Because writers deserve credit, obviously. But bylines also serve the reader. All work is better when it is signed by its creators. Edward Tufte says:

Agencies, departments, and organizations don’t do things — people do things. People’s names should be on things to foster both accountability and pride.

July 1, 2011 | Filed Under ethics, etiquette, internet, web sites, wisdom, writing | posted by Andrew Simone | 2 Comments