August 30, 2011
headline of the day
Lady Gaga Wore Prosthetic Penis at VMAs
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comments:
- Joel Bernstein: I know right?
- Rick Neece: Being nice is a dainty way to put it.
- Rick Neece: Hey Cristopher? Who cried “uncle” first, at the end of your ten-year stand-off? To quote my...
- Michael Smith: Ours is the kitchen.
- Amy Mabli: That’s what happens when you give the dogs the bed.
- Deron Bauman: Sweet Jesus.
- Michael Smith: Don’t we all.
- Pam: I have a story coming out soon in a ‘little mag’, Chicago Quarterly Review. An old friend recently...
- Pam: And I thought, somedays, that my work was meaningless…
- Pam: I remember Eggleston at the Art Institute in Chicago a couple years ago. He was elegantly dressed in a dark suit...
- Christopher Walken: Hey Clusterflockers, Realize y’all are hurting. I’ve been a really close friend of my...
- Marco: This works pretty well in mobile, more so in iOS
- Michael Smith: It was not the intent of management to imply all sissies are “namby pamby”. Management was...
- Rick Neece: I take umbrage with the term “namby pamby.” Some sissies are fierce.
- Carole Corlew: Shelia. Happy no big deal day. I would start your very own post but this phone is in semi rebellion.
Actually reminded me a little of this.
I guess it doesn’t surprise me. Also, I love her.
I wonder how much a prosthetic penis goes for these days.
Do you have to be going to th VMAs for that to be a big deal?
Not a lot of people know this, but her ‘prosthetic penis’ was actually an original Six Finger.
Michael, yes. It’s not a big deal to wear one at Whole Foods. I know this for a fact.
Are used ones cheaper than new ones, you think?
WHY WON’T ANYONE TALK TO ME ABOUT PROSTHETIC PENISES?
I’m here!
This is the google image search.
Is a strap-on considered a prosthetic penis?
Cindy, I keep wondering why there was no reaction to my how to spell a fart noise joke.
I’m too hurt, I guess to talk about prosthetic penises.
Sheila, how could a strap-on not be considered a prosthetic penis? Also, how else would you put one on?
Thank you, I feel better.
The strap-on question is one that has plagued scholars for centuries. We can’t solve that one here, folks.
Michael, I feel your pain. I thought talking about prosthetic penises would make you feel better about your dumb comment, but I guess not.
That’s a mighty fine google image search results page, I must say.
The secret’s in the rub.
Oh, and brining. You should definitely soak it in salt water with some sugar in it.
Y’all might be thinking, hmmm, it seems Cindy has been drinking. But you would be WRONG! I can’t drink because my liver is broken, so I’m pretending to drink. I seem just as drunk as I’d be from champagne, minus calories and headaches.
I should bottle this.
I think we should start writing everything in all caps.
Sad music is supposed to make you sad, but sometimes it makes me laugh.
It feels like Amanda should be here.
Can you pee through a prosthetic penis? Because that would kill two birds with one stone.
Where’d everybody go?
MY MOM USED TO FRY LIVER AND ONIONS AND BACON AND I DIDN’T HATE IT.
It always feels like Amanda should be here.
Should that be capitalized?
It should always be capitalized.
I think Amanda is here, watching us talking about how she should be here but staying quiet so we know how it feels when she’s here talking about how we should be here.
Here’s the image search for prosthetic vagina.
I think the Vermont Country Store catalog would have a prosthetic penis you could pee through.
Also, she doesn’t have much to add on the subject of prosthetic penises.
That seems unfair.
Also, Cindy, thanks for trying to cheer me up. I really was asking how to spell a fart noise. I have a friend who insists on spelling it, “pprrrrrrrppp,” but I really think it should have an H and a T in it and maybe a B.
It’s not really something Amanda would do.
Amanda knows. AMANDA KNOWS!
Amanda might not want her name associated with such as this. You know.
Oh, we’re talking about a different Amanda.
If Amanda were here, she would be on my side. I know this for a fact, just as I know that prosthetic penises are not a big deal at Whole Foods. And I ask you, where else can you find people with this level of expertise?
I’m starting to get a hangover.
Hey, Deron, where’s that fart machine video where Phil does the long fart like Psycho?
Michael, what’s the uber fart noise? I favor the two-tone version: WeeeeeeeeeeeeFup.
There are as many Amandas as there are Michaels. We are a pluralistic union.
Whoa. I’m here now. Let me catch up.
As long as no one says my last name right next to prosthetic penis, I should be able to keep my job.
I had a hot toddy and I was just thinking about how William Hurt is so beautiful.
Yes, he is. Then and now. I think his penis is real, but I can’t say for sure. I believe in the scientific method.
Michael has a lot of opinions about what I would or wouldn’t do. John and I drove by a restaurant the other day called Dong A Book and I said “all my favourite things”
I’m on Cindy’s side but I’m not sure what I’m agreeing to.
I knew it! Thank you.
I had just one opinion on what you would do and one theory on what you were doing.
Fart Machine No. 2.
I’m still stuck on whether a prosthetic penis is the same thing as a strap-on. Seems the prosthetic should have some functioning, the way that fingerless girl got a new hand and ability.
Yeah, you should be able to pump up a prosthetic penis just by thinking.
Daryl, that’s just the thing, I don’t know how to spell the uber fart noise. But I think location has a lot to do with the appropriate of a fart noise. If, for instance, you’re in a car, the fart should be long and constanst, as if the farter was trying to hold in but really just slowing it down, maybe, phhhhbtphhhhbtphhhhbbbbbtphhhbtphhhhbtphhhhbbbbbt.
But in the locker room it should be explosive. Like, “look what I can do!” PHPPRRRRT!
But Sheila, you don’t have to think to pump up a real one.
But you might want to, Michael. As a kind of diversion, you know.
I done tole y’all, this is a question beyond our scope. We’ll drive ourselves crazy trying to solve the whole strap-on, pump-up, pee-out situation.
Also, I pooped a starfish this morning, but it was missing one of its arms.
Michael–I see what you mean. As in church farts during the “let us pray” part. HewuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuP.
strapless teter totter
feeldoe
Farts cannot be spelled. Only approximated. They can be heard (sometimes) and smelled (sometimes). Who delivered is always the question, if they’re noticed at all.
Sometimes as fresh as fresh air. Foody. Sometimes foul as a day is long. I can’t fathom the be-all and end-all of farts.
This is a perfect example of what I like about CF. Comments that start with Lady Gaga’s penis, and end up as a primer on flatulence.
I taught Izzy to say:
Beans, beans
the musical fruit
the more you eat
the more you toot
the more you toot
the better you feel
so eat those beans
with every meal
She doesn’t seem to know toot means fart.
From A to B and back again.