December 6, 2011
dear clusterflock
What are the rules?
comments
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comments:
- Joel Bernstein: I know right?
- Rick Neece: Being nice is a dainty way to put it.
- Rick Neece: Hey Cristopher? Who cried “uncle” first, at the end of your ten-year stand-off? To quote my...
- Michael Smith: Ours is the kitchen.
- Amy Mabli: That’s what happens when you give the dogs the bed.
- Deron Bauman: Sweet Jesus.
- Michael Smith: Don’t we all.
- Pam: I have a story coming out soon in a ‘little mag’, Chicago Quarterly Review. An old friend recently...
- Pam: And I thought, somedays, that my work was meaningless…
- Pam: I remember Eggleston at the Art Institute in Chicago a couple years ago. He was elegantly dressed in a dark suit...
- Christopher Walken: Hey Clusterflockers, Realize y’all are hurting. I’ve been a really close friend of my...
- Marco: This works pretty well in mobile, more so in iOS
- Michael Smith: It was not the intent of management to imply all sissies are “namby pamby”. Management was...
- Rick Neece: I take umbrage with the term “namby pamby.” Some sissies are fierce.
- Carole Corlew: Shelia. Happy no big deal day. I would start your very own post but this phone is in semi rebellion.
Don’t fuck your clients.
Don’t be an idiot.
Be kind.
Okay isn’t an answer to a yes or no question.
Use the turn lane.
Put the shopping cart up.
Take care of yourself so you can take care of the group.
Take deep breaths and be present.
Light a match.
Two scoops of coffee for one cup.
Touch the clit lightly.
Don’t indent the first paragraph.
Feed the dominant dog first.
Respect your boundaries.
Begin the article with a broad, general statement. For example:
There are many different types of slipper in the world today, each with varying styles, materials and purposes.
Provide a valid email address.
Stay hydrated.
If there are already people standing in line, get behind them.
Pay on time, pay in full.
The left lane is for passing, asshole.
Listen.
Good beer. Good Whiskey.
Corn is not a liquid.
I don’t want to talk on the phone.
Don’t make your clients into your objects.
Clever typography isn’t.
Cook tasty food.
Keep your balls on the table and knock everybody else’s off.
Start with the blowjob.
Use contraception.
Wear sunscreen.
Chew with your mouth closed.
Turn off the faucet while brushing.
Go to the real dump.
If it’s brown, flush it down.
Say thank you.
Stupid presidents are bad presidents.
Communicate.
Know your limits.
Travel lightly.
Never get involved in a land war in Asia.
One space after a period.
Serifs for long, printed text.
Remember the wider perspective.
Don’t fuck with the Jesus.
Don’t talk after you say goodnight.
Eat your vegetables.
Choose your family.
Live and let live.
If there’s a hole in the ground, stick your dick in it.
Less is more.
Just enough is more.
God is in the details.
Girls just want to have fun.
Don’t shit where you eat.
Damn the torpedoes.
If you take the last donut, throw the empty mutherfucking box away.
Be excellent to each other.
No diving.
dear deron,
why do you love rules?
Looking for safety in an unsafe childhood. Also, I’m German.
Use your real name
The first rule is that you do NOT talk about clusterflock…
The second rule is “don’t feed the pigeons”.
Don’t reference that fucking list of rules.
It’s means “it is”.
They’re means “they are”.
Mix wine and beer as often as possible.
Don’t mix wine and beer.
Thursday night is taco night.
Beer before liquor, sailors take warning.
Do no harm.
Sometimes “no” means “get the fuck out of my life and stop following me everywhere”.
Red wine at night, sailors’ delight.
You must be at least this tall to ride this ride.
No crazy women.
Don’t try too hard; you might succeed.
Never point a loaded gun at someone you are not prepared to kill.
Don’t share mascara.
I think those are my two favorite back to back.
Don’t go into the ministry.
Hey, Deron, I didn’t do that!
Will “a rule to not make rules” implode on itself?
Andrew, best decision you ever made.
If there’s grass on the playing field, then play ball?
There’s nothing like the smell of freshly mowed grass.
Do not aim with your hand.
Do not shoot with your hand.
Do not kill with your gun.
I went to a wedding once in some godawful place in upstate NY. I won’t say much about the couple except that the groom is a bonafide free mason, the novelty of which never wore off on me & that was the extent of our conversation were my probing questions of what that was all about. The bride’s father gave a nice toast/speech, and then the groom’s father stepped up to the plate. He launched immediately into this long hunting story, the details of which i forget i was so busy looking around trying to gauge whether others beside me were wondering where he was going with the story. It built up to the punch line, the one piece of advice this father had for his son on his wedding day, and it was this: «Son, if you’re gonna shoot, shoot straight.»