December 27, 2011

I really shouldn’t post this . . .

You might actually look at it, and that will be bad. Worse, posting may generate more attention and more traffic. But I’m thinking that maybe Christmas light-lookers aren’t hanging out here with us.

This is the spectacle that nearly blinded us as we turned onto the block for Pam’s and Jam’s Christmas Eve party.

They’ve been living near this since Thanksgiving.

I am thinking they would rather have Carole for their neighbor.


  1. Erica Braverman on December 27th, 2011 at 11:43 am

    Yikes. I only made it 20 seconds in.

  2. Erica Braverman on December 27th, 2011 at 11:47 am

    Then the server in our house gave out. Shelia, can you jangle your keys for me?

  3. Sheila Ryan on December 27th, 2011 at 11:59 am

    We nearly had fits trying to get past the thing to the party house. It is much much worse in reality. Like staring into a bunch of wildly malfunctioning DLP lamps.

  4. Sheila Ryan on December 27th, 2011 at 12:03 pm

    Erica, I’ll jangle my keys now that I have them again.

    On the afternoon of Christmas Eve I locked keys and a bottle of Taittinger in the car. Three people told me that the local police would unlock my car for free. But I had things in the car that were not for the police. And I was in a hurry to get to Chicago.

    So I had to abandon the car till we returned from Chicago. Then I called AAA, and a dude from the towing company came out. He had already broken into my car by the time I got to it. I gave him ten bucks and wished him jolly holidays.

  5. Deron Bauman on December 27th, 2011 at 12:05 pm


  6. Erica Braverman on December 27th, 2011 at 12:06 pm

    There is a nearby medical office that does exactly that style of lighting. It syncs with a radio station that plays all Christmas music.

    I’ve been avoiding that exact intersection ever since the first of the lights went up. It’s seizure inducing.

  7. Deron Bauman on December 27th, 2011 at 12:07 pm

    LSD Santa jizzed in my ear.

  8. Erica Braverman on December 27th, 2011 at 12:10 pm

    Deron, maybe that same medical office has a prescription for that condition.

  9. Deron Bauman on December 27th, 2011 at 12:20 pm

    Physician, heal thyself.

  10. Erica Braverman on December 27th, 2011 at 12:32 pm

    I want to make some comment about hemlock.

    My brow crease is too soft right now for that.

  11. Sheila Ryan on December 27th, 2011 at 12:57 pm

    Speaking, as we were, of lights, it was pretty good when Jam got out the menorah at the Christmas Eve party and people sang and then sang out and laughed in anticipation of — pork! — for brunch the next day.

  12. Erica Braverman on December 27th, 2011 at 1:07 pm

    Shelia, thank you. For all that is you and divine within, I will call upon bacon next time I’m looking for something.

    We ran out of menorah candles last night.

  13. Sheila Ryan on December 27th, 2011 at 1:15 pm

    They had electric menorah candles at the Skokie hotel where we stayed.

    I too will call upon bacon whenever I crave union with the divine.

  14. Carole Corlew on December 27th, 2011 at 1:54 pm

    Oh my. That’s exhausting.

  15. Robert Ledgerwood on December 27th, 2011 at 2:15 pm

    I can’t imagine the electric bill, or just trying to sleep inside or within a mile of that house.

  16. Sheila Ryan on December 27th, 2011 at 3:10 pm

    Carole: Thirty seconds of it wore me out.

    Mr. Ledgerwood: I have a recurrent nightmare/fantasy — that when I am really old and stove-up, I will live in a rented room out of a film noir and across the street there will be a neon sign that blinks eternally. ED’S PLACE – ED’S PLACE – ED’S PLACE. Something like that.

    This display semmed like that hell multiplied a hundredfold.

  17. Pam on January 3rd, 2012 at 10:24 am

    Sheila, your video makes this eructation of LED light look all too “cute”!

    In reality, I haven’t been able to hold still long enough to see the bombastic, seizure-inducing thing all the way through–it’s simply too irritating, and boring! And I do enjoy holiday lights! MY current nightmare (well, one of them) concerns my neighbor’s statement to a local rag that he plans to EXPAND this next year.

    Oy vey.


  18. Sheila Ryan on January 3rd, 2012 at 10:57 am

    Oh, Pam, yes — the video does make it look too cute. The experience of turning onto your block was much closer to entering suddenly upon a major emergency (which, in a sense, it is). Like those times when you are driving on the expressway late at night and come upon blinding lights from emergency vehicles.

    I recommend eco-terrorism.

  19. Sheila Ryan on January 3rd, 2012 at 10:59 am

    Also, I really hope the neighbor has dismantled this display, Pam, but I am filled with dread — as I suspect you are every afternoon near dusk.

  20. Sheila Ryan on January 3rd, 2012 at 11:03 am

    The Nightmare Before, During, and After Christmas.

  21. Carole Corlew on January 3rd, 2012 at 1:23 pm

    My decorations are perfectly silent and still. I aim for a little bit of light in the dark cold night.

  22. Sheila Ryan on January 3rd, 2012 at 1:52 pm

    A little bit of light in the dark cold night trumps shock-and-awe.

  23. Pamela on January 4th, 2012 at 5:28 pm

    No, Sheila, not yet dismantled and beginning to suspect it won’t be for some time.

    After all, articles describing this ‘display’ detailed in glowing terms the hundreds of hours our neighbor put into creating this, and syncing it to music…My fear at this point is that the durn thing is likely to be expanded next year. Where, I’m not sure; the only open bit of lot left is the piece that faces our house!

    Do think we should (diplomatically) mention to them that not everyone wants strobe lights shooting into their windows each evening, but beyond that it might well be a lost cause. Already another neighbor (one who usually seeks, and relishes, quiet) has told me she finds it ‘warm’ and wants it expanded.

    Sigh. Sounds like again I’ll be tempted to swing up onto my charger, and head off after those pesky windmills…! But considering we’re already working with the village on some fool water issues, really, do I have the time/energy?

    Carole, agree completely: decorations still and silent and the way to go; little bits of light in the cold night.

    Btw, said neighbors all are interesting people.

    But as the immortal words of J’s old friend, Daryl, went: there really is NO accounting for taste!